Covid- 19 hack

Im just trying to be transparent when I say what I'm about to say, so don't take it any other way than how it's said.. okay?


*inhales*


I hate 2020, it's horrible and it's making me sad and depressed. It's making my friends depressed, it's putting a strain on my relationships with friends.. shit! It's putting a strain on the relationship I have with myself, as if it wasn't already strained from 28 years of life and traumatic experiences !!


*exhales*


Okay, now that I got that out.


How y'all feeling?

About the same?


It's been brutal these last couple of months and to be honest, it only seems to get worse..
To all my people who have lost someone to this pandemic, I send my sincerest condolences.
I wanted to come on here and sound all poetic and stuff but I honestly don't have it in me.. so ima keep it 100% on how I've been "dealing" and maintaining being the queen of MY Quarantine.


I've been finding myself again:


The good and the bad.

I've been reevaluating relationships I have and have had with people and how I played a major or minor part in it. I've been painting and getting back to the art of it all. I've been writing and singing or singing along to Jhene Aiko( y'all know what I'm talking about and if you don't, you've been playing yourself)...
I've been processing my emotions for a lot of people and experiences.

I've been replaying over things in my head that went left but I could have made right...
Anyway, I've been doing a thing.. to hopefully help myself grow.
I've Been falling in and out of love or even falling back in love with..myself, and places, and ideas of places and food, and food recipes and books, music and my craft.


Shit, I realized that I didn't fall out of love with my dreams, I fell out of love with me! If I ever was to begin with. Which left me unmotivated and uninterested in doing anything pertaining to my gifts.
I've been drinking, but ironically not as much as I did when I(we) we're free!
This tells me that I wasn't struggling with alcohol for the reasons that I thought..


I've been lighting candles and having self care days that consist of face mask( not those ones) and regular hair appointments.. with myself.
I've been cooking, a lot. And low key I'm kinda good at at.
I've been daydreaming of a love to come.
I've been sporadically soaking up the sun.
For the days when it rained, I allowed the sound of the wind to soak up my pain and discomfort only to wash it away for a new day to come.


Like...
I've been doing a lot.

Lol.


Basically what I'm saying is.. Spending time with myself has been everything but boring and now that I'm here I think I kinda like it.