A Published Author is Born

Any gratifying accomplishment starts with a tiny seed planted and inspired by something or someone you admired in your youth. It may start as far back as elementary or secondary school. At times the seed may lie dormant in the recesses of your mind, hidden by the everyday activities and stressors that seemed to occupy the landscape of a typical life. We remember the potentiality of this seed vividly; it often guides us closer to fruition in small bits and steps.

A truly satisfying engagement is different from a general state of success. Everyone strives to be successful, whether it's in the common objectives of finance, love, or fame. The paths to these goals vary in the amount of skill necessary, the level of education and home support, or by luck being in the right place at the right time. Questions about these paths litter our life as we reach out toward the future.

I believe time is the most difficult matter to control. The last time I checked, each day has 24 hours, and a third of it is usually occupied by sleeping. That theoretically leaves us with 16 hours to do everything: hold down a job, study for classes, raise a family, or take care of ourselves or an ailing family member. All noble pursuits, but none that rate as a profound accomplishment. These are the pursuits that shape our lives, consistent and constant, moving the clock forward.

We truly need to regulate the amount of time we fritter away on our beloved electronic devices. Cell phones, TV, video games, and social media platforms consume amazing tracts of time. If you ever had a computer issue or a broken phone, the time waiting for a replacement is almost agonizing. Our hands are endlessly typing, scrolling, and pressing buttons as we always keep those phones within sight. Answering work emails is a way of “staying ahead” at our jobs, but most employers don't compensate that. Those become expectations that bump time away from the things we really want to do. As an English teacher, grading essays took up an insane amount of time. Texting friends and family is often necessary until it becomes another way of wasting precious time, not that family and friends aren’t important, but sometimes it becomes a distraction to what we really want to do.

That seed planted long ago finally starts to sprout when the key objectives are met. Finances become solid and reliable which can allow you to free up time earlier than you expected. Starting and raising a family may be stressful, but eventually the kids leave the garden ready to start down their own paths. Our health becomes more regulated, we are more comfortable in our homes and habits, and time seems to stretch further than it did in our earlier years.

Fame is a result of practice and failures. From failures we learn what went wrong and how to recover. Sometimes we can’t figure out what went wrong. One of my books this year earned three out of five stars, but no comments were left to indicate what I did to lose two stars. Was the content not interesting enough? Were there grammatical errors? What did I do wrong? It reminds me of Black Mirror series, specifically the episode entitled “Nosedive” (S3E1). In this episode, everything in one’s life depends on virtual Yelp-like social media ratings, and the main character can’t figure out what she did wrong as her “score” drops precipitously.

With the first book I published, I experienced many learning curves with the nuts and bolts of publishing. Where do I start? Who can I contact? Will Penguin or Random House find my books and beg me to join their ranks? I found Vocal.media and some other publishing platforms and started putting my writing out there. Other authors can be so helpful and kind. I discovered Amazon publishes nearly anything, which can be both good and bad. I consulted with other published writers and joined a Writers’ Guild to get more technical support and writing critiques. I was still afraid of rejection; what would the other authors think of my creepy stories and dark humor? I didn't write about sunny days and blue skies. I’ve always appreciated the gothic aesthetic, but my push, my inspiration, became more evident after the death of my father and mother in 2011 and 2018. Grief became a more powerful motivator. I wrote more to work through my grief.

I developed a fascination with the veil between life and death as a way of mentally communing with my parents, my number one fans. When 2020 and COVID forced us into a lockdown, I was engulfed in the anxious panic along with everyone else. Netflix had the series Supernatural in rotation; I binge-watched the whole show, all 15 seasons, in a month or two. My inward darkness stayed safely tucked away as I watched Sam and Dean conquer fearful monsters and pesky ghosts. That show became my safe space.

After I retired in 2021, my time became freed up. My calendar become a blank slate to add whatever I wanted or needed without paying attention to the 196 days of teaching and extra hours of grading. I had collections of stories and poems dating back from 1977 in various binders. I wrote on every sort and topic of writing, including poems, non-fiction, essays, and plays. What should I do with all these? Will they just die with me? Romantic poet John Keats wrote “When I Have Fears That I May Cease to Be” about what happens to all those stories in our heads. He writes, “When I have fears that I may cease to be/before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain…/then on the shore/of the wide world I stand alone, and think/till love and fame to nothingness do sink.” That poem resonates with me and propels me forward to keep writing.

At the time I retired, I possessed the skills of editing thousands of essays, the level of education commensurate with being an author, and a superior number of books read - all of which helped me clear the time to write more often. Fear of rejection was the only thing keeping me from getting published. I had no reason to fear anything, but I dove right in.

The seed (now a seedling) is destined to become a novel one day. In my vision, the storyline revolves around an Italian family, a goddess or two, an evil spirit, and magic. It will encompass my family history from the 1600s to the present time, weaving autobiographical truths with fantasy. I would consider the publication of this novel to be the pinnacle of my writing career.

However, it certainly won’t be my last. This shift in perspective is allowing me to pen more throughout the year. I truly enjoy posting on Vocal.media and sharing my writing with friends. Seeing income from Amazon is also a wild ride; people have purchased my books because they want to read what I wrote. Friends have given me suggestions and writing prompts to keep me on my toes. My brain has so much more to dispense before I shuffle off this mortal coil, and I welcome it into the new year. I refuse to sink into nothingness.