Wearing My Gems & Overcoming Anxiety

I can’t imagine a future where I do anything but music. Songwriting enables me to put into art and make sense of every internal feeling that I have trouble putting into simple words. Music helps me understand myself and my often-intrusive thoughts; it is the language of my heart through which I communicate most effectively with the world around me. Singing and songwriting have been an outlet for coping with my mental health struggles, such as OCD, anxiety, and ADD. I’ve been singing since age two, although by then, I had over 20 ear infections, and doctors weren’t sure if I could hear from my left ear (later, my hearing improved). Music also helps me join the diverse parts of my life and who I am: a mestizo, first-generation U.S-born and (future) college graduate, Nicaraguan, and Ashkenazi Jewish.

I spent a lot of time during the pandemic writing more original songs. This creative outlet was a lifeline for me. However, a lot of times, when I was on Zoom calls during school, escaping the stress and anxiety of college applications and watching TV, or other quiet time, I have found the need for my energy to come out and be channeled in other ways.

That's where jewelry-making has come in. With some beads and other supplies, scissors, pliers, wire-cutters -- it's amazing where that can take me! Jewelry helps with more of a hands-on, sensory aspect of art and creativity. I have found jewelry-making to be deeply calming and therapeutic. Being able to carefully conduct a piece of jewelry is therapeutic and it helps channel my expression in a way other than music. When I am making jewelry, I feel like I'm telling my story in another way. I love being able to wear the jewelry I make with pride and tell everyone that it was me who made it. I hope to wear jewelry that I've made in music videos that I make in the future, where I can combine other outlets of my creativity.

Mask-wearing has helped to keep us safe during the pandemic, but I feel that we've sacrificed so much by hiding much of our facial expression. That's where my original jewelry has also come in. In March 2021, I started going back to school in person once a week; just after Spring Break, I was able to attend twice a week in person. Even though no one could see most of my face (which, especially as a singer/performer and actor, is particularly important to expressing myself), I could share my personality, moods, and expression through my jewelry -- rings and earrings in particular. Even the process of finding materials at home that I can use to make jewelry (I’ve even incorporated finger-knitting into jewelry-making, and have made some pretty fantastic knitted earrings!) and finding beads and related materials in stores too is part of the creative process and is therapeutic!

There are a few reasons why I wanted to participate in this challenge. To be entirely transparent, I hope to attend my dream college in Fall 2021 (Berklee College of Music), but if I am not able to supplement the scholarship package they have offered me, I won’t be able to attend). But I also wanted to share the relationship and importance of jewelry-making and mental health challenges. I have found it tremendously important to have a creative outlet that helps me stay focused on something that brings me happiness; it helps me feel in charge (rather than my emotions and mental health challenges controlling me) and it is accessible to me at any time, since I can’t always predict when I will need this outlet and, as I found during the pandemic, I can't always get out of the house.

Jewelry-making and being creative also helps me prepare for and often-avoid the “next time.” I turn to jewelry-making for so many different reasons – because I want to be creative, because I am or want to be relaxed and at peace, because I’m bored, because I’m occupying my mind and my hands need to stay busy in a creative way, because I need to create and build and produce something, and, sometimes, because I am managing intrusive and repetitive thoughts or anxiety. But, sometimes, it’s not just to address or resolve something in the moment, but, rather, to prepare for the next time that I might be faced with OCD, anxiety, depression, or an emotional episode. It makes it much easier to manage if I am relaxed or if I am able to call up relaxed feelings and strategies because they are fresh and accessible to me from ongoing practice.

I’m not sure that I ever quite thought this much about the healing value and power of jewelry and jewelry-making until now, and I’m so grateful for this art! Over the past year, it's helped me get through so much: applying to and auditioning for college; my 82- and 92-year-old Nana and Papa getting Covid and, my Nana especially, almost not making it home from the hospital with Covid pneumonia; days when I could barely get out of bed because of increased depression and anxiety; passing math so I could graduate!; and thinking about the transition from high school to college. Best of all, jewelry-making is something that I can easily take with me to college!

(Note: Video link is not directly jewelry-making-related, but rounds out my personal narrative around the value of art and therapy for me. I've included a photo collage of my jewelry, as well as a video of my music. In case the video doesn't come through: https://youtu.be/Ep4jRyGWz8o)