Out of the Ashes

My journey into the world of textiles began as an effort to preserve my sanity when I was a young mom, home with my children all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother, but I’m a creative, ambitious person and I needed more in my life besides diapers, cooking and play-dates. I wanted to do something from home so I could still focus on my primary role as a mom. I landed upon the idea that I would like to design quilt fabric (I was a mural artist prior to having children). The only catch was that I first had to develop the skills to create digital artwork, something I never even knew was possible. I bought a computer and design software, and set about teaching myself how to use them. During that period, I would put my kids to bed each night and head to my room for hours of late-night learning. When I had developed just the basic skill set needed to submit a portfolio of design work, I was rewarded with a contract to design fabric with a manufacturer of quilt fabric.

After creating more than a dozen fabric collections for Riley Blake Designs, I decided to concurrently launch a company called PatternJam. PatternJam was an amazing online tool that allowed users to create a quilt pattern, upload their own fabric and see what the finished quilt would look like. It also provided fabric requirements and cutting instructions for the user-created pattern.

Additionally, PatternJam gave users the tools to create customized quilt tops, which were printed and shipped to the user. It was a great little company, but it was a threat to my relationship with the fabric company. So, unfortunately, I was “relieved” of my status as one of their designers.

In order to grow PatternJam, my husband and I had invested most of the equity from our home, as well as all of our savings. Because launching a tech company in the craft industry is an expensive venture, I had also partnered with a savvy businessman and investor. The investor positioned himself as the CEO, and he had a vision for PatternJam that did not square with my own. Do you see where this is going?

The relationship with my main investor / CEO grew nasty and he effectively pushed me out of the company. Within 9 months after my departure, PatternJam was decimated. Everything I’d built up to that point was in ruins-- I was no longer a fabric designer and I no longer had involvement with the company I had built from the ground up. The loss of PatternJam was extremely painful for me as an artist and entrepreneur. The financial loss that my husband and I suffered was a distressing dash of salt in the wound.

The months of legal threats and sleepless nights transformed me from a happy and energetic mother and creator to a weepy and directionless person. I began to be aware that whimpering in the fetal position in the corner might not be the image I want my children to remember of me. As I began to consider how I’d like my children to deal with adversity, I realized that I needed to pick myself up, dust off and carry on.

I decided at that time that I’d like to mold myself into the artist that I’ve always aspired to be. I just didn’t have the courage to go for it until the “rug was pulled out from under me”. Why had it been so darn scary to pursue being an artist previously? I suppose because our nature is to avoid the pain of failure. But, having been through failure on a scale I didn’t think I’d ever recover from, I realized that failure is not something to fear. Failure is a tool for growth. In fact, sometimes from the ashes of our worst failure comes the greatest success and clarity of purpose. Going through one of the darkest periods of my life challenged my resiliency and re-awakened my creativity in a way I would have never imagined. This pursuit has fulfilled my creative passion and has brought me joy!

The medium I choose for my art is fabric. In 2018 I launched Collage Quilter, a small business that I run with my daughter. With Collage Quilter, I have the opportunity to play with fabric and teach textile collage to people around the world who share my passion. My method for creating collage quilts is simply to cut and apply hundreds of pieces of fabric to a foundation panel in order to create a design.