My Favorite Creation

Choose Your Happiness: By Brandi Carter

Backstory:

All my life, I’ve battled with severe anxiety and depression. When high school rolled around, the pressures and expectations of being fifteen started to take their toll. I found myself trying to fit in while simultaneously trying to stand out. I guess the perfect word to describe my sophomore year was lost. As a result, I found myself a little more anxious than usual. I joined the track team, and participated in extracurricular activities. However, despite all of my efforts to help myself heal through what I believed to be the perfect “distraction,” I found that none of these things worked. I felt the most at peace baking in the kitchen making a ginormous mess.

Now you would think that the chaos of baking would have thrown my anxiety for a loop, but it did the opposite. I thrived by having sixteen mini cookie cakes baking in the oven all while I cut and tied the ribbon on the boxes with the already cooled cookie cakes inside.

You’re not supposed to have your life figured out at fifteen, but I did. I knew that I wanted to sculpt butterflies out of fondant for the rest of my life. I loved the thrill of multitasking and taking on challenges. It gave me purpose.

When I was sixteen, I would steal computer paper from the printer and grab a pencil with a huge eraser from the craft drawer. I would sit at the kitchen table and draw out what I wanted my future bakery to look like. When I was finished, I would hand it off to my dad. He would take a look at it and begin editing. We would cut out what didn’t belong, erase, redraw, and tape in. 7 years later, we did the same thing. Only that time, we saw those plans come to fruition.

Fast Forward:

When my senior year rolled around, I enrolled in culinary school and learned a very valuable lesson: I wanted to work for myself. I didn’t respond well to professors telling me how a dessert should look and how it should taste. I wanted thicker chocolate and more vanilla (true story!). I felt my creativity was limited so I took a leap.

When I arrived at college, I noticed the town I was living in didn’t have a single bakery. I was crushed. As much as I love making pastries, I also equally love eating them! So I started a bakery in my very small dorm room. My first creation: Ice Cream Sundae Cupcakes. From that point forward, I gave this little dorm room bakery my all. I took on orders of all shapes and sizes!

One afternoon in the spring of 2015, I received an order for 500 cupcakes and I knew it was time to expand! I headed about two miles down the road to my own little apartment. My dad and I cleared out all of the furniture on the first floor, added some very big refrigerators, mixers, and stainless steel racks. I moved all of my personal belongings to the second floor and opened for business.

I was 21 years old at the time, and didn’t have much in the way of assets or credit, so I started from the ground up. The apartment bakery was a little bit like a speakeasy and I loved it.

Two years after establishing a name for myself, I knew it was time for a storefront. After a long and strenuous nine months of building, obtaining permits, and figuring out all of the logistics, Clemson Confectioneries opened its doors.

June 9, 2018 was one of the happiest days of my entire life. The confectionery suddenly expanded from a one woman show to a full fledged business with a staff of eleven! It was incredible. Our menu changed every week giving our customers a chance to try new cupcake flavors each time they came in. I nervously pushed boundaries and tried to set the bakery apart from all others in South Carolina.

And then it happened: the worst day of my life.

On June 16th 2019, I opened an email from a local reporter. She asked for a statement regarding how I felt knowing the building my bakery was in was going to be torn down.

WHAT.

I think I read that email one hundred times. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it. There was no way this email was real.

Sure enough, we received a call right before Thanksgiving in 2019. I had three months to gather my things and leave 405 College Ave. My heart was broken and I was angry.

In January of 2020, my husband and I moved all of the furniture out of our dining room and moved in all of the bakery equipment. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I blinked and my life flipped upside down.

Today:

I know I’m supposed to tie this all together and write about a project that brings me joy. To be completely honest, and I mean this in the most sincere way: you may be thinking that the project that brings me the most joy is baking. However, as I sit here and ponder the last eleven years, I’m realizing that the project that brings me the most joy is me. Now hear me out: You may be thinking “this girl is nuts!” or “she’s not a project,” but believe me: I’ve worked more on myself than any cake, cupcake, storefront, or order I’ve ever made.

I went from a girl who couldn’t leave her bed into a business owner in just five years.

I went from a girl who didn’t have an identity into a girl who is confident and proud of herself.

I went from a girl who was afraid to speak with customers into a girl who communicates with new people daily.

I went from a girl afraid of taking small steps into a girl who took major leaps.

I went from a girl who felt purposeless into a girl who has dreams, goals, and aspirations to look forward to.

I went from a girl who heavily relied on her parents into a girl who is self-sufficient and independent.

I went from a girl who baked 250 cupcakes per week into a girl who bakes thousands each week.

I went from a girl who thought happiness came from others approval into a girl who finds happiness through herself and good works.

I went from a girl who didn’t know the first two things about running a business into a girl who patiently learned another 100 things (and she’s still learning).

I went from a girl who listened to all of the people who said she “would never be successful” into a girl who cut all of those opinions right out of her life.

I went from a girl who took special things for granted into a girl who appreciates everything.

The Scissors:

I have about 5 pairs of scissors sitting in my tools bucket right now. I use them every single day; more specifically for cutting the tips off of piping bags, cutting buttercream roses off of the flower nail, cutting open bags of ingredients, cutting parchment paper to perfectly fit baking sheets, cutting ribbons after I tie up the pastry boxes, etc.

However, I feel the most appropriate way to tie scissors into my entry is to tell you how I symbolically use scissors every day to cut out doubt. This past year (especially with Covid) has been exceptionally hard. I would be lying if I said everyday was a piece of cake! While I’ve learned a lot throughout my eleven year journey and have drastically grown as a person, I still face uncertainties. I’ll be honest with you. I've been scared to open another bakery. I’m fearful that similar events may happen or I may not have what it takes to go for round two.

As I sit here on my couch and re-read everything I’ve previously typed I’m reminded how I never gave up. I cut out doubt, fear, and being apprehensive.. I’m reminded of how brave I was once I snipped away at all of my anxieties.

I’m ready to create a new path for myself once more! I know that whatever obstacles are thrown my way can slowly be snipped away. I don’t know what the future holds for a baker like me. However, I do know one thing is for sure; it’s going to be sweet.