Heal Yourself-05

– Be Forgiving

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the

strong.”- Gandhi

It is not easy to forgive. The very existence of the need to use the

word implies that we have been hurt in some way. Forgiving a

grievance, whether real or imagined, will be one of the best gifts

you can give yourself. This is so whether you believe the

individual deserves such kindness or not. When we refuse to

forgive, we become resentful. Holding on to resentment is like

drinking poison, and expecting the individual that wronged us to

suffer. It can also be compared to inflicting wounds on our own

bodies, and expecting someone else to feel the pain.

This logic is not only riddled with flaws, it is also quite dangerous.

Resentment can easily become hate and hatred is a very ugly

thing. But why do we find it so hard to forgive? If forgiving

someone who hurt us will be so beneficial, why does the very idea

of letting go of the hurt make us feel so uneasy?

The real problem lies in the fact that none of us want to continue

reliving the horror of whatever wrong was done to us. But as we

continue to think about how badly we were hurt, we unconsciously

begin to think about making the individual pay for what they did.

Our flawed sense of justice often compels us to believe that if we

hold on to all the pain that was caused and refuse to let it go, we

will be getting the justice we deserve.

This is especially so when the individual does not appear to be

sorry for what they have done. Unfortunately, we cannot force the

individual to become a better person by resentfully withholding

our friendship or kindness from them. We are only hurting

ourselves as we force our minds to relive the pain over and over

again.

While we are angrily storming through life with the heaviness of

resentment in our hearts, our countenance, our speech, and our

mood will be adversely affected.

Despite the fact that we may have been wronged by one or

maybe a few individuals, everyone around us will begin to be

affected. Resentment often causes us to be irritable, depressed,

and generally very unpleasant. And to make matters worse, it is

often the people we love and not the people that wronged us, who

will end up suffering as a result of what took place.

The weight of resentment has also been known to affect our

memory, productivity at work, ability to perform routine tasks,

ability to focus, and even our sex drive. Being bitter, and refusing

to forgive has also been linked to weakened immune systems,

poor heart health, and even high blood pressure. As you can see,

refusing to forgive will never prove beneficial.

But what exactly is forgiveness? Is it simply forgetting what took

place? Does forgiveness means we simply pretend that nothing

happened? Nope. It is not that simple. When we forgive, we must

involve more than our words.

We must change how we think and feel about the individual. It is

as if we are allowing them to start with a clean slate all over

again. You refuse to allow the situation to cause you or the parties

involved to hurt you any longer. This requires a high level of

emotional intelligence, self-control, and love. Forgiveness is not

just "letting them off the hook" for what they did, it is allowing

those involved to stop dwelling in the past and move on to more

important things.

“Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love, and you

radiate that love outward. You need to refuse to hang onto the

venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that

caused the wounds.” - Wayne Dyer

Becoming that enraged as a result of someone else’s actions, and

allowing yourself to remain upset over what took place for an

extended period of time, is really giving the individual they keys to

your happiness. It is as if you are allowing that individual to

control you, and they will continue to control you until you muster

up the courage needed to forgive them.

Forgiveness is also beneficial because it often results when we

become aware of our own faults. It becomes easier for us to

forgive when we remember that we too have had to ask for

forgiveness many times. Contrary to what we may believe, we

are not perfect. We sometimes hurt the people around us, even

the ones we love, without even realizing it. When we refuse to

harbor resentment and practice forgiveness, it will be easy for

those around us to forgive us when we err.

Here are a few reasons why it is beneficial to practice being

forgiving:

• You will be a lot happier and in a much better mood

• You will sleep better at night

• You will not jeopardize your job by not being productive

• You will not jeopardize your relationship with your significant

other or your family

• You will learn greater self-control and self-awareness

• Your will enjoy greater peace

• You will gain the respect of those around you