Only You

I felt like my heart was being ripped out. We sat in the principal’s office, both tense as the principal stared down at us. No words had been spoken, but I knew what this was about. We’d been discovered. I felt Alex shift beside me, her leg bouncing up and down as she tried to calm her anxiety.

I heard the door open and felt the presence of people behind me. Our parents were here. The principal cleared her throat. “Thank you for coming,” she said gruffly. “I’m afraid we have discovered something that cannot be ignored involving your girls.”

All I wanted to do was reach over and hold Alex’s hand tightly. I could feel her anxiety and I knew that this wasn’t going to go well. I wanted to protect her from what was about to happen. I’d already come out to my parents, but Alex… her parents were more conservative. They didn’t know yet.

I felt mum grip my shoulder tightly as the principal cleared her throat again. “Alexandra and Jasmine were caught kissing today. After some questions it was revealed that this… behaviour has been going on for at least a year.”

Alex’s mum gasped. “No. Alex is a good girl; she wouldn’t be kissing another girl.”

“What are you suggesting?” Demanded her father.

The principal sighed. “Alexandra and Jasmine have been engaged in a relationship.”

“No, no…” mumbled Alex’s mum. “It… it must just be a phase. That’s all. You can’t punish Alex for being swayed by a troublemaker.”

“Troublemaker?” growled my dad, “Jasmine is no troublemaker.”

“She’s into girls,” replied Alex’s mother through her tears. “She’s swayed my little girl. It’s despicable.”

The principal was nodding with each word, and I saw Alex’s head drop. I knew who she was, who she truly was. I knew how scared she was of her parents finding out. She was planning on telling them after she’d moved far away.

I heard dad growl behind me. I could feel his anger rising. “Obviously Alex was into girls as well,” he grumbled. “Or she wouldn’t have been swayed by Jasmine.”

Alex’s mother started sobbing loudly. Her father took a step forward, slamming his open hand on the desk in front of me. I jumped as the sound echoed around me, my mum gripping my shoulder tighter. “Alexandra is not gay,” he roared. “She has been confused by this… witch!” he motioned at me, and I felt my father’s anger ebbing off him. “Punish Jasmine for her behaviour but leave Alexandra out of this.”

“Both of them engaged in this behaviour,” muttered the principal. “I’m afraid there will be repercussions for both girls.”

My mum’s grip grew tighter. “And what’s wrong with this so-called behaviour?” My mum questioned. “If Jasmine was a boy there wouldn’t be any issue.”

“The issue is that she is not a boy,” replied the principal. “There is no place for this behaviour in our school. If you insist on defending Jasmine, then I’m afraid she will no longer be welcome here.”

“Good,” snarled my father. “We don’t want her in this backwater school anyway.”

I glanced over at Alex, desperate to try to calm her. Desperate to comfort her. She didn’t look in my direction at all. Her eyes were trained intensely on her feet. She wasn’t listening anymore; she was trying to ignore what was going on around her. I could hear our parents yelling at each other, but I was focusing on Alex. I was trying to calm her through my thoughts, through feelings. I knew it was a long shot, but maybe, just maybe, I could help her. My father suddenly grasped my shoulder, making me jerk. I looked up at him and he shook his head as he pulled me to my feet.

“We’re leaving,” he said gruffly. “I’m not going to stand around listening to you insult my daughter any longer. Don’t expect us back.”

He pulled me towards the door, my mother following closely behind. I looked at Alex one last time as we left but she didn’t move. She continued to stare at her feet as the door shut behind us.

My parents were angry the entire drive home. They cursed the school, and Alex’s parents. I knew I was never going back there, and I didn’t mind leaving that school. It was a good school, but overly restrictive. I didn’t want to leave Alex though. I vocalised this to my parents, but they never budged. I wasn’t going back there. It took a few weeks, but soon I was sent to a different school. I hadn’t heard from Alex at all this entire time. We used to talk every night, but she was never online anymore, and my texts went unanswered.

I walked the corridors of my new school slowly. The people at this school were nice, but everyone already had their own friendship groups. I felt like a complete outsider. I missed Alex, and I missed my friends. I hadn’t heard from anyone since we were outed.

I wandered out of the school grounds and aimlessly started walking home. I was so enwrapped in my thoughts that I didn’t register where I was walking until I was staring at the walls of my old school. I stared at the grounds, tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Just because I wasn’t into boys. At least I wasn’t sleeping around or pregnant. I had good grades, I was polite to everyone, and I lost everything I loved simply because of the gender I preferred.

“Jaz?” breathed someone behind me.

I spun around, eyes widening as I soaked in the view in front of me. Alex looked exhausted, dark bags under her eyes and her hair hung limp around her deathly pale face. I took a small step towards her. “Alex? Are you okay?”

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she shook her head. “My parents grounded me,” she said softly. “No phone and no computer. I’ve been in after-school detention for weeks now.”

I wanted to pull her into my arms, but I was scared someone would see us. She looked scared and ill, but I didn’t want to make it worse by comforting her.

She glanced around us before she quickly grabbed my arm and led me to a nearby alleyway. It was dark and dirty, but importantly it was void of all prying eyes. She threw herself into my chest, sobbing as she clung onto me. “They’re sending me to a camp,” she cried. “One of those ones. I’m terrified.”

I held her tightly in my arms. “I won’t let them,” I replied firmly. “I won’t let them punish you and torture you for who you are.”

She sobbed louder. “I can’t stay there. They talk so badly about you and tell me I’m just confused. But I know who I love. I know I love you.”

“You’re almost eighteen,” I sighed. “You’ll be free soon. You just have to hang on until then.”

“What if they send me to the camp before then?”

“Just stay strong. Pretend, do whatever you can. Once you’re eighteen you can leave and live your life without being a runaway.”

Alex pulled away from me and gripped my hand. “I can’t be apart from you. I still have six months until I’m eighteen. I can’t do it, I’m not as strong as you.”

I gently stroked her cheek. “You’re stronger than I am,” I said softly, gently placing a kiss on her lips. “You know who you are despite your parents. I have support while you don’t. You’re ten times stronger than me.”

She took a deep breath, calming herself. “Meet me here tomorrow,” she whispered. “And every single day until I can leave them. I have no computer and no phone, but I need you to help me be strong.”

I nodded. “I’ll never leave you. I can get you a burner phone so we can text at night. Anytime you can’t see me, we’ll still stay in contact. My parents will house you once you’re eighteen, they just won’t do it while you’re underage.”

A weak smile flashed across her face. Her eyes were still filled with fear and uncertainty, but I could see a flicker of hope. Maybe, just maybe we could get through this. I pulled her into another tight hug. “I love you Alex,” I whispered into her ear. “I love you, and only you.”

“Only you,” she whispered back.