Independent Relationship

I've never been interested in boys....that way. From a very young age, as far back as the age of 5, I've always treated them as friends. I've treated them as I would a girlfriend, for instance.

When I hit primary school, starting at age 9, that was the worse time...for me. I had started puberty at that age. Either than my twin sister, who I'm pretty sure was also going through the same experience as me (maybe), I felt very much alone. So having to deal with that age 9, once again boys were not of my interest. Sure, I found them attractive, and hot and cute, but didn't necessarily mean I wanted to 'date' them. I wasn't even sure what that meant, as a brown girl.

I started my high school in small town in Canada, where it was mostly white boys who were interested in parties, beers, white girls, ski-doos, smoking and drugs. Not all, some. Over those years of discovering my teenage self, I put most of my energy into dance, art and music. My loves of my life. Those were my escapes. I loved it.

University came along, and in our theatre department, there were almost no boys. Most of the boys who were in the department, at the time, were almost all gay.

So I met guys at my part-time job. Entering my 20's.

...

Relationships. I've never been the one to rely on people. Even from a young age. I moved a lot over the course of my life, I'm only 22. But from city to city in the country of South Africa, every four years, that was my contract it seemed like it. So I hardly got attached to people. Or maybe it was that I had become good at suppressing the hurt and sadness, of leaving old friends for new friends. Anyway, I digress.

I'm in my early 20's, and I am in my very first relationship, it's a year now. For the longest time I was avoiding it - a relationship with someone. I had no idea what it meant to be in one, or even the concept of a 'relationship'. I had always been like, "Oh, I don't wanna be in one, because I wouldn't know how to maintain it, or how to balance it with other things in my life (i.e) school, work". So I straight up avoided it.

But turns out, the universe often gives you what you don't want. Turns out, the universe found a way to pull some strings and put me and this guy I'm dating into the same work place two years ago and from there the rest is history.

However, when it comes to relationship, I feel like I am very much independent. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy every second that I get to see him, drive him from work, watch a show with him, smoke a blunt, whatever it may be. But, I also very much and equally enjoy being alone. Being in my own space. Doing my own thing. I simply don't feel the need to spend every second with him. We don't even live together...yet. Stay tuned for the next few months, we're working on it. But I'm very much independent. I go to events sometimes on my own, shopping even.

I questioned it, and wanted to know why and how. In fact, one of my close friends had asked me that question. And I had two answers for her.

Number one: I looked at my parents relationships

Number two: Learning to be independent from a young age.

1. Reflecting on my parents relationship and marriage of 25 plus years, I feel like my mom had also been independent in her own ways. Especially now. My dad took a job in the U.S, a few hours behind time and we're in Canada. Yes, they speak every day on the phone, but for the most part, they're in their own spaces. And even when I was younger, my mom always was going out and exploring, and socializing. I don't think she felt the need to rely on him all the time, when she could complete tasks and goals herself, in half the time. I felt like she enjoyed being with him - watching a movie, going out - but she just as much enjoyed her own company.

2. I've also learned to be independent directly and indirectly from a young age. I learned to do things myself. I didn't feel the need to rely on people, because I had to run into issues of being let down, and the trust would fall. That cycle repeated countless times, until I grew tired of it. So i just learned that skill. And then I had a fear of getting close to someone, in fear to them moving away, or vice-versa, so i kept my distance. I became good in reading people and attracting the tribe that I wanted to attract. I also just became comfortable and okay with doing my own thing and being in my own space.

Sooo, I would say it's nice to be in relationship with someone. I enjoy it very much. But I also don't see independency as a bad thing. It's good to have space. It's good to breathe in your own space, and re-fuel in your space, and therefore you're able to give to your partner as much as you want to, without feeling like you're forcing yourself to.

I find that by taking space, even a day or two away from your partner, makes you appreciate them more. <3