Art Calms the Storm

2020 was one of the worst years we have had in recent years. For some, it was worse than others.

In the summer month of August 2020, my nephew committed suicide. This shook my family to the core. It was especially hard for me as I knew of the challenges that he was facing.

When I was 16, my nephew and I were walking home together. He was about 8 years old. I don't remember what got me mad but I got mad at my nephew. Immediately he backed about 10ft away from me, his eyes filled with fear that resonated with me. I have seen this fear before in me.

Andy (my nephew) said: "please don't hurt me".

The anger that was built up in me left swiftly.

"Why do you think that I would hurt you?" I said.

Andy Begins to explain to me that his step-father has been beating him regularly.

I hugged him with tears flowing down my face.

"I will never hit you," I told him.

3 years before this happened, I had begun to learn boxing. As I trained and grew in the sport, I had made this commitment to myself:

I will never let anyone physically abuse me again or let it happen to anyone of my loved ones.

Well, I told my sister about what he told me (this is not my nephew's mom, my other sister). She told me that it most likely wasnt as bad as Andy made it seem.

From that interaction, I lost hope. Long story short, I ended up not doing much because I didn't know what to do. I failed the commitment that I had made to myself years ago.

When my mother called me in tears and stated that Andy commited suicide, my heart dropped. Guilt overflowed the few emotional storage I have and I fell to my knees and cried harder than I ever have before.

This alone could have broke any person. I was broken.

A week or two later, my mother was dianosed with colon cancer. The same cancer that Chadwick Boseman died from. When he died from this cancer, it made me more afraid for my mom.

A month or so later, my sister (the mother of my nephew) was dianosed with cancer.

Every night ended in tears, time moved inch by inch, there was no happiness to be found in my soul. The only thing that got me up was my 2 year old daughter and even then barely.

One night in November, pacing across my little apartment, I broke down with agony and pain in my chest that wasn't physical but emotion. The weight of world around me all of sudden brought me farther down the depths of the underworld one can be.

At the end of my brake down, I punched the tiny gray ottomen that I had laid my head on.

"I don't want to hurt anymore" I cried out.

I decided that I have to do more to heal the wounds that had afflicted me. I committed to getting professional help.

At the very moment as I committed this, I also wanted to start inmediately doing things that would bring back some joy that had been gone from my life. And I knew that crafting things is a great way to boost mental health.

October was recent enough that I thought about the pumkin carvings that my little family did. And I remembered that it brought a bit of calm to the shadow of chaos that surronded me.

I wasn't going to carve a pumkin every month, I don't even know if that would be possible.

But thinking about my life and the amazing Native Americans showcasing their cultures on Tik Tok, it inspired me to do art connected to my indigious Mayan ancestors and current brother and sisters have.

I grabbed some card board and drew an outline of a macuahuitl.

I was gonna make one of these out of cardboard and hang it on my wall as a symbol of my resilience of the outside forces of life. I planned on making cardboard versions of Mesoamerican weapons to help improve my mental health. This turned out to be the start of something great.

The day after my breakdown, my best friend stopped by and I told him about my plan to make the Macuahuitl out of cardboard.

Knowing that my friend makes furniture and other awesome stuff out of wood, I mention to him that it would be so cooler to have a real one. He says:

"okay, give me the outline and I will cut it out."

The very next day, he brings me the cutout of the sword.

Excitedly I grab it and start tracing out the art I want on the sword. I never worked with wood before this. So, I used the techniques that I learned from my pumkin carvings that I have done in the past.

Slowly but surely it becomes a beautiful piece of art in my eyes.

I was starting to feel that peace and joy I had a of glimse when I was carving the pumkin in October. It was bringing me more joy. It was more a part of me than any pumkin carving I have done.

As I went on, I would show off my work to my wife and my friends. Who wouldn't, right?

Everyone seemed to love the artwork I had created. They liked it more than I had intended.

More and more people would say "You could sell those, they are so cool".

I didn't think so. Even looking back at these photos of my first Macuahuitl, I don't know what they were thinking.

But as I continued, the more I learned and the more it started to look better.

Slowly, the thought of sharing my art with not just my friends but strangers started to solidify in my mind.

"Maybe someone would like my art enough to be it;maybe I am good enough of an artist to do this as a business."

After, completing the art I wanted to have on my Macuahuitl. I had to wait for the obsidian (the stones that Mesoamericans used to make blades) to be delivered. As I waited, I begun to work on art that I planed on selling.

I started to get tools that worked better for wood working like a dremel. With better tools came better works of art.

The art I worked on opened many doors for me, more than I thought it would.

The more art I did, the more I learned of the culture of my ancestors, as well as the modern Maya culture and strruggles. It opened the door that lead to me able to reconnect to the people who the Spanish tried to earse from my life and other of my brother and sister's lives.

The work I was doing was addicting and so satisfying.

I ended learning many skills that I never thought I would have. Eventually, my friend taught me how cut out the wood myself. I started looking for cool weapons that I could make.

I saw the weapons I was making as symbols of the strength that I needed and could have within me.

I worked on these weapons and they worked on me. This may sound odd but these weapons and artworks that I created helped me become able to come to terms with the failure of the committment I had.

Within about 6 months of working on my art, I started to hurt less and even started to have happiness in the life I was living. I made mistakes and that is okay. I can continue to learn and hopely not repeat the same mistakes.

With the support of my friends and more importantly my wife, I had the confidence to open up a Etsy shop called Jeff's Mayan Art.

There is still days that are hard and where I wish things could be different.

But that doesnt mean I cannot have happiness in my life.

There has not been any job or any type of work that has brought me this much fulfilment as my artwork and wood working. I love it.

I hope that you can love it, and hopefuly make people's life better. That is my duty as a modern Mayan.