15 Hilariously Petty Dealbreakers That Actually Ended Relationships

We all like to pretend that we are deep, soulful creatures looking for a spiritual connection and a partner who shares our core values. But let’s be real: sometimes, the thing that sends us running for the hills isn’t a difference in political views or future goals. Sometimes, it’s the way they chew, the shape of their thumbs, or their beverage preferences. A recent Reddit thread asked people for their most ridiculous "we won't work out" criteria, and the answers prove that the "Ick" is a powerful, unstoppable force of nature.

Here are 15 of the pettiest, most specific reasons people decided to pull the plug on romance.

1. The "Warm Drinks" Prohibition

One user revealed his ex-fiancée left him because she didn’t find him attractive anymore. The reason? He drank "warm drinks." Apparently, enjoying a cup of tea once every few days was simply too much for her to handle. The user is now happily married to someone else, presumably sipping Earl Grey in peace, while his ex is out there looking for a man who only consumes liquids at absolute zero.

2. The Pocket Hoarder

We all appreciate a man who is prepared, but there is a limit. One woman couldn't date a talented, good-looking musician because, and I quote, "he has too many things in his pockets." She didn't want to compete with a flashlight, a multitool, keys, and whatever else was bulging out of his cargo shorts. As one commenter perfectly put it: "What has it got in its nasty pocketses?"

3. The Anti-Hydration Squad

If you are an adult human being, you need water to survive. However, multiple users shared stories of dating people who simply refused to drink plain water because they "didn't like the taste." One dater immediately lost interest in a girl who claimed she doesn't drink water, while another lamented a husband who requires flavored drops to avoid dehydration. Kidney stones are not a love language, people.

4. The "Luties" Linguistic Nightmare

Slang evolves, but sometimes it evolves into a repellent. A guy shared a story about a coworker who was aggressively flirting with him and was actually quite attractive. The dealbreaker? She used the word "luties" instead of "absolutely" and "cray cray" unironically. He realized that despite being close in age, he felt like her exhausted father.

5. The Freud Trap

There are certain names you just can't moan in bed. One Redditor was set up with a friend's cousin and was totally fine with it until they learned his name. It was the same name as her mother. Another user couldn't get past a guy having her dad's name. Look, we all have our limits, and "accidentally summoning the image of your parent during intimacy" is a very valid boundary.

6. The Man Who Hated Laughter

In what might be the most chilling entry, a woman went on a date with a guy who, mid-conversation, looked her in the eye and said, "I hate comedy." He clarified that he didn't just mean bad stand-up; he meant all comedy. He felt it was beneath him. She sat there dumbfounded, asked him to take her home, and realized she had never heard him laugh once.

7. The Great Eyebrow Deception

This is a rollercoaster. A woman was dating a successful, funny guy but couldn't figure out why his eyebrows looked "painted on." During a romantic hotel visit, she offered to give him a facial massage and used micellar water to clean his face. His eyebrows wiped off. He had shaved them entirely and drawn them back on with a pencil. He lay there, eyebrowless and vulnerable. She couldn't get past the deception—or the grey pencil color.

8. The "Coke Nail"

Nothing kills the mood faster than distinct, questionable grooming choices. One user met a nice guy but couldn't stop staring at the one long, pointed nail on his little finger. Whether it was for guitar, drugs, or just a weird style choice, she couldn't stop looking at it. It irritated her so much she couldn't date him.

9. The Outie Belly Button

Body positivity is great, but phobias are irrational. One commenter admitted that an "outie belly button" is an immediate "no" from them. They apologized for it, acknowledging it's petty, but the visceral reaction is undeniable. "I’m sorry but I can’t."

10. The Vegetable Boycott

Picky eating is one thing; eating like a unsupervised five-year-old is another. A man went on a date with a woman who flat-out told him she "doesn't eat vegetables." He immediately lost all interest. It’s hard to plan a romantic future when you know you’re going to be fighting over eating broccoli for the next 40 years.

11. The Seinfeld "Small Hands" Moment

Life imitated art for one commenter's friend, who rejected a handsome, successful suitor purely because "his hands were too small." Every time she complains about the dating scene now, her friends remind her that she threw away a great guy because of his glove size.

12. The Silence of the Jams

Music is the soundtrack to life, right? Not for everyone. One user admitted that if someone says "they don't listen to music," it's over. It suggests a lack of soul or an inability to feel joy. Another user noted their mom hates music and comedy, leading to the terrifying realization: "These people live among us."

13. The Zombie Apocalypse Liability

Hypotheticals matter! One person listed their dealbreaker as "Not killing me if I became a zombie." If you truly love me, you will not let me shamble around eating brains. You will do what needs to be done. Refusing to take me out is a sign of weakness I cannot respect.

14. The "Tiny Teeth" Terror

We are entering the uncanny valley. A user confessed that adults with "child-sized teeth" give them the "heeby jeebies." It sets off a primal alarm bell in their brain that screams something is wrong here. It’s not the person's fault, but the biological recoil is real.

15. The T9 Texting Trauma

Communication styles can make or break a connection. One woman almost stopped seeing her now-husband because he texted like he was in an AOL chat room in 2002. Messages like "hv 2 go 2 work now" nearly dried up her attraction entirely. It turned out he was just using an ancient flip phone that required pressing a button four times to get one letter. She forced him to upgrade, and the relationship was saved, but it was a close call.