Broken because social stigmas say so

Ok readers, before I jump right in, I want to tell you my thinking process behind this post. I have probably written, deleted, and re-written it about a hundred times. This is something that I advocate for, am passionate about, and have personal experience with. I think I’m finally ready to share my experience on such a large platform so you guys can learn, or maybe someone going through the same thing can gain some comfort knowing they’re not alone.

I have HSV2, more commonly known as Genital Herpes.

Cue 80′s horror movie soundtrack screams

There. I said it, and the world didn’t end. I know some of you are wondering why the hell I’m choosing to write this. Well, I am an advocate of openness and positive education when it comes to all things sex, and don’t believe that sex or any of the repercussions from it should be stigmatized. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be worried about the consequences of the choices you make: No, this should encourage you to take care of yourself, those around you, and be knowledgeable and positive.

So have a seat, and get ready for some good ol’ fashioned lessons, and commentary from my own perspective. **Quick disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or health care specialist. I’m just a person who loves learning, loves sex, and feels that we as a population should be more open to the facts of life and all that goes with it.**

Also, if you want to skip past the education and biology lesson and get right to the personal commentary, feel free.

Sexually transmitted infections, more commonly known as STI’s are a real thing. They may be referred to as STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) or in the past, VD (venereal disease). There are different classifications of STIs: bacterial infections and viral infections. Bacterial infections are caused by, you guessed it, bacteria, and can be cured with antibiotics. Some of these are Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis. Viral STIs (want to guess where these guys come from?) include HIV/AIDS, HSV1 (cold sores) HSV2 (the dreaded Herp), HPV (human papillomavirus), Hepatitis A/B/C, and Genital Warts. These little buggers are a life-long thing because viral infections cannot be cured with antibiotics. Whether it’s a bacterial or viral infection, there are varying degrees of severity. Fun fact, did you know that yeast infections and bacterial vaginismus can also be classified under STI related conditions because they are in the genital area and can be exacerbated by sexual activity?

Now that you know some names, let’s break down with some statistics on the subject (I feel like a 90′s high school teacher trying to keep it funky fresh so my students will pay attention). **Pulling numbers from the CDC, feel free to hop on their site and browse around, because I’m only listing a few stats** Estimates show that there are approx 19.7 million new STI cases every year, and that’s just in the US. About half of those are from people between the ages of 15-24. It’s estimated that 1 out of 5 people have HSV2, and out of those numbers 90% of those infected, don’t know they’re infected. The scariest number to me is that fewer than 1/3 of US physicians routinely screen for STIs.

This isn’t meant to scare you, seriously: But STIs gone undetected or left untreated can lead to serious health problems (infertility, cirrhosis, cancer … and yeah, death). Here’s where that whole knowledge thing comes into play. You need to be knowledgeable about yourself; to keep you safe and to keep others safe. If you are sexually active, take responsibility and get routinely tested for STIs. If you’re in a position where you are around bodily fluids, get yourself routinely checked for blood-borne infections/diseases. It’s a simple and easy way to know where you stand.

What can you do to protect yourself and others? BE. FREAKIN. SAFE. Figure out what a condom is. Practice with one. Don’t be scared or embarrassed to buy them. Ask your doctor about the pros and cons of different materials or brands. USE A DAMN CONDOM. Not only are you preventing STIs, but you’re also helping prevent unwanted pregnancies. If you’re not mature enough to buy a condom, you’re not mentally/emotionally mature enough to be having sex. And ladies, this isn’t a responsibility just for the men to take care of. Keep condoms in your purse (or somewhere where they’re not going to be in direct heat, too much friction, or anything that could break down the material). And they do expire, so change out the old ones periodically.

As part of the kink community, I embrace my sexual side. I have sex. I like having sex. I do not care that I have been called a slut .. it doesn’t hurt my feelings. I learned a long time ago that this is the person I am.

Most of my friends (well, the 10 or so of them that I actively hang out with) know that I have the herp. Hell, some of them have dubbed me The Herpa Sherpa because of my laid-back attitude about it. The people I’ve slept with know about it, and every person I’ve been in a relationship with knows about it. So why am I so relaxed about having a life long virus inhabiting my body? I’ll tell ya. I use condoms. I know my body well enough to know when I’m about to have an outbreak and I don’t let anyone near me when I do (though Herp doesn’t affect the immune system, some people have more symptoms than just the uncomfortable sores on the skin .. my lymph nodes swell a bit and I just feel yucky and flu-ish for a few days). Herpes CAN BE TRANSMITTED even if you have no physical symptoms, but as I said, I know my body, and the whole condom thing is important too.

I will tell you (and this is super important for those of you that may have an STI) that the anxiety is all in your head. I’ve never had anyone turn up their nose and run away after I tell them, though finding a way to segue “Hey so guess what I have …” into a conversation can be slightly nerve-wracking. In the years that I’ve been sexually active with herpes, I haven’t (that I know of) passed on this lovely gift to anyone. And I do have sex without condoms once in an established relationship and after the other person knows and can make an educated and informed decision on whether or not we will continue to use condoms. It has not caused any other health problems. Seriously, I’ve had razor burn worse than a herp outbreak. Even when I do have an outbreak, I just pop some valacyclovir (like Valtrex) for a couple of days. It’s a mild annoyance, but nothing more. Still, however, nothing that I would wish on anyone else.

Sharing this is certainly a personal thing. If you have cold sores (HSV1) you probably don’t yell it out to every person you’re about to make out with; but you probably do steer people away from make-out sessions or even drinking after you if you’ve got an active sore on your skin. Same with the herp. Literally. It’s caused by the same family of viruses, just affects a different area of the body. Some people choose not to share with their partners. Some (like me) just blurt it out after a few dates before sexy time happens.

Whatever your choice is, that funky-shaped little virus is with you for life (well, for viral STIs … it’s with you until you kill it with antibiotics if it’s a bacteria). It’s part of you. And more than that it’s a part of you that you should not be ashamed of. If you have sex, you should not be ashamed of it. If you were raped, it was not your fault and you should not be ashamed. If you got pregnant and chose to not keep it you should not be ashamed. All of these things are seen as social stigmas, and do nothing but suppress those that make hard choices or carry results of sexual activity; a completely normal and enjoyable part of adult life. Shut down social stigmas. Don’t be afraid to embrace, educate, and speak out.

Because if you do, the world will be a better place.

I am not broken. And neither are you.