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The Deal

How many times do you have to prove yourself?

By The Invisible WriterPublished 10 months ago 2 min read
Top Story - April 2025
The Deal
Photo by Yannick van der Schot on Unsplash

Orange smoke filled the air, blocking the sirens flashing outside from being seen. Screams from blind mouths rang out against a chorus of shouts from police. Uniforms holding guns charged through the glass doors of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York and disappeared into the orange fog.

Cool wind blew past masked faces gliding underneath arms holding onto zip lines. Chaos spread like wildfire on the streets below as their boots raced across rooftops to the next zip line and the freedom that waited.

Adrenalin kicked in, and the realization of how close they were to vanishing into thin air set in. Van doors flew open as they piled in bags of gold bars and leaped inside. Rubber tattooed pavement as the worked-over engine accelerated, and the van left the alley in a blur before mixing into traffic.

Outside the city, Teddy pulled his mask off and let out a loud "WOOOO!". More masks flew through the air. Shouts and celebrations echoed off the metal walls of the van. Fists banged on seats. Booted feet stomped on the floor.

"How much?" Jonah asked from the passenger seat.

"Millions, brother." Pounding his left fist against the roof, Teddy answered again. "MILLIONS"

Crowded streets turned into interstates, then two-lane country roads. Excitement settled down, and the four black-clad figures settled in for the long journey across the country to LA.

Sleep came to them as the miles passed the windows until, eventually, only the driver was awake.

Eyes opened to blank walls. Jonah blinked before looking to see Chris and Tobias waking equally as groggy.

“What’s going on?” Chris was the first to speak. Tobais didn’t answer, just looked down. He knew.

“We’ve been pinched.” Jonah let the words fall out.

The door opened, and Teddy walked into the room.

“FBI, DEA, which of the three letters are you?” Tobias asked. Teddy kept his eyes on Jonah when he answered.

“Not any you’ve heard of.”

"I want a lawyer," Chris demanded. Teddy turned to him and smiled before saying.

"This isn't that kind of thing." Jonah felt his heat rise.

"How did you get us here?" Teddy turned back to him.

"Sleeping gas and a mask hidden under my seat." Jonah nodded at him, then asked.

"What now?" Teddy stood and walked over to the door. It opened, and someone from the other side handed him three packs of paper. Returning back to the table, he put one of the packs in front of each one of them, along with a pen.

"Who's ready to write down everything they know and save their ass?" Chris and Tobias both took a pen and started writing. Teddy silently pulled a gun from behind his waist and shot both of them in the head. Jonah shoved back from the table with their blood and brains dripping from his face.

The door opened again, and the boss came in.

"Congratulations, you passed."

"Passed what?" Jonah asked

"The loyalty test." The boss replied, offering his handkerchief.

Microfiction

About the Creator

The Invisible Writer

Life goals - vacation always- work never

Creator of unreadable stories

Writer of bad poetry

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (19)

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  • Narghiza Ergashova7 months ago

    "So helpful, thanks!"

  • ThatWriterWoman9 months ago

    This reminded me of Kingsman! The scariest loyalty test! Excellently done Invisible!

  • Amir Husen9 months ago

    Congratulations

  • Arshad Ali10 months ago

    Wonderful to read **"We want people- to have peace in their dreams. He protects them for me. That's why I say every night... O Allah, keep the one I love, well.'

  • Test10 months ago

    Wow... that was a rollercoaster!! I love the reveal at the end!! So cleverly done Will!! Congrats on Top Story, too!!

  • Henry Lucy10 months ago

    High-stakes heist goes wrong, leading to sinister government agency twist.well done keep it up, congratulations 👏🏼🎉

  • Melissa Ingoldsby10 months ago

    What a crazy beginning! Is this the start to a crime novel? Very exciting

  • 🎉 Congrats on Top Story — well deserved! 🙌 Keep it up! 💪🔥

  • Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Very good work 🙏👏

  • Susan Payton10 months ago

    Loved your story -- Nicely Done!!!

  • Oh wow, that was a close call. Didn't expect it to be a loyalty test. Loved your story!

  • What if Johah just doesn't know how to read or write? Nicely done, Invisi.

  • Mother Combs10 months ago

    That's a great twist. Did not see it coming at all, Will

  • Caroline Craven10 months ago

    Damn. Loyalty indeed! That was a hell of a twist. Well done!

  • angela hepworth10 months ago

    Omg, what a twist!! I can’t believe this was only 500 words, you paint such a detailed and visceral situation!

  • Antoni De'Leon10 months ago

    Shockwave ending indeed. World is getting bloodier for real.

  • Very suspenseful read with excellent Shockwave twist!

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