Struggles on Memory Lane

Hot as hell, stuck. Stranded in a dark bottomless pit. The stench of dampness and rot surrounded her, Emily began to wonder how she got here but her attention was quickly turned by the distorted figure wondering slowley out of nothingness towards her. Long dark tangled hair drowned oddly familiar features that she couldnt place. She wasn’t sure what emotion she seen piercing into her but she stared back curiously unwilling to show fear towards the strange woman who was surrounded by what she could only describe as a netted vale of thick misted haze. She wondered if she reached out what would happen.

Something was pulling at her but also pushing. A temptation and a warning working like magnets making Emily nervous. She could move no further though she desperately tried. Her fingers were only inches away when suddenly the energy surrounding her propelled her upwards. Emily travelled quickly though the tunnel of blackness she came from until coming to an abrupt stop forcing her to expel all the oxygen in her lungs that she no longer thought possible to have. A tight ball formed inside her chest, panic. Emilys mind raced with questions and she needed answers. How was this even possible and how the hell had she landed herself in this mess? Who was that woman and why was she flung into the air when she attempted to touch her? It was then she began looking around praying to find something close by she could grab onto but there was nothing. Floating mid-air was a more than a slightly unsettling feeling.

Finding a way out felt utterly and completley hopeless. There was nothing to see, so instead she closed her eyes and tried to think of something else as if simply wishing herself out of the situation was enough. It had never been enough. But still it couldn’t hurt to try. Holding on to a memory for more than a couple of seconds was a trying task, but her eighth birthday was the first one to stick. Emily remembered how her big beautiful back garden out in the countryside had looked like a fairytale fun fair that day. As she allowed herself to embrace the memory her heartrate began to slow and she let herself sink deeper into the memory. All of Emilys closest family would be there and she had sent out invitations to the whole class nervously a few weeks previous and was thrilled when everone had ticked the attending box on their invitations. She had never been that popular at school, Emily was quiet and easy to overlook at a first glance but when she got to know someone she was a firecracker. Emily thought of how amazing it had been to see Uncle Tom for the first time in what had felt like a lifetime that day. He was a Military man so often travelled overseas but he was kind, caring and fair. He often played around and acted silly with her and her cousins. Uncle Tom had been the one to convince Emilys parents to let her go away for the weekend with her Brownie group when her mum and dad had worried she was to young to spent the whole weekend away. But Emily was brave and felt much more grown up than her parents had ever given her credit for. She was so very greatful to have her uncle in her life, he had a way of twisting them round his fingers, offering gentle persuasion when she needed a little help. Most importantly Emily felt that he listened and really understood who she was. Her best friend Lilly was running across the grass along besides her doing handstands and playing dizzy dollys while waiting for the rest of the kids from school to appear. Emily and Lilly had been thouraly impressed by the decorations. Soft pastel pinks, purples and blues could be found everywhere. From the Bunton draped across the inflatable bouncy castle, to the paper cups and plates scattered across the Alice and wonderland themed mad hatter's table. But her favorite memory was of the petting area, even the animals followed the color scheme. The bunny's hopped around the dewy grass with assorted colored pom-pom ball tails, and an aquarium with purple colored water decorated with pink and blue sand surrounded by golden treasure chests. Even the Ponys mains and tails had rainbow colored glitter strands entwined though tight pleats. Polaroid cameras were handed out to guests as they arrived, she would later discover this was linked to one of her birthday presents. Her parents bought her a laptop that year, but her favourite present was a scrap book. Emily remembered how impressed she had been by the cover. It was soft pink mostly and the edges were beautifully decorated, deep gold vines and thorns intertwined leading to a single rose in each corner. The center had a carriage pulled by cliché white horses. Above the carriage read ‘The enchanting life of Princess Emily Rose.’ She was to fill the book with all her happiest memories. The laptop was to inspire her creative side her mother adored.

A tear rolled down her cheek and her heart ached to think of her mother. She had passed away when she was 13 years old, just three short years ago. Her life had been turned upside down, the person she loved most in the whole world cruelly stolen from her far too soon. Thats when Emily stopped writing stories with happily ever afters. Without meaning to she had kicked herself out of her own memory, returning her to the bleak situation she was still in. Her chest began to tighten as the walls surrounding her began getting closer and Emily could taste the air getting thicker. Her body clenched; she couldn’t see but could sense the space around her getting smaller. Emily was breathless and gasping for air, her own throat betrayed her, getting tighter and smaller. The trickling tear tuned to a full-blown stream as she lost herself to misery and fear.

Just when Emily felt she was finally regaining some control of herself and the last tear drop had trickled from her cheek falling far down below Emily heard something unusual. She desperatley tried to calm her breath further in an attempt to better focus in on what the sound was. Moving water? She hadn't heard that earlier and it was getting drastically louder. A distinct smell of salty sea air washed over her making her stomach clench and heart drop. She was back on this nightmare roller-coaster ride again but it had kicked up a notch. It's one thing going up, and an entirely different thing going down. Falling into the pitch black abyss was terrifying. As she travelled the cold air washed over her, nipping at her skin, Emilys cheeks rippled and her hair danced frantically behind her. As if from nowhere faint lights began to appear all around gradually growing brighter and brighter chasing of the blackness. The closer Emily looked she realised the lights were actually hundreds, if not thousands of firefly's lighting up everything above and below. It was then Emily realized where the sound of water had been coming from, she found herself surrounded by a ring of waterfalls, trapped and falling through the middle helplessly. With the fireflies lighting the way Emily was able to make out a large body of water below. Maybe it was a trick of the light but she swore it looked purple rather than the usual blue green. Emily winced as she turned to look at the fireflies again, a shooting pain in her neck and shoulders now apparent. Emily was unsurprised. After all she was still being thrashed around by a menacing energy and it didn’t look like her situation was getting any better. She braced herself for the fast approaching inevitable impact scrunching up her face and took a deep breath.

As she made contact with the water she found herself pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t cold like the air that had surrounded her earlier as she fell but warm, more like a tropical Caribbean Sea. She wonderd how fast she must have been falling as she was being sucked down deeper and deeper. Emily kicked her legs frantically in an attempt to slow herself down, worrying if she would have enough breath left to break the surface. The clothes she wore felt like dead weight around her. But Emily was determined as ever fighting against the odds. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the salty water nipping at her eyes. Everything was blurry but it gave her the hope she desperatley needed, Emily peered above and seen the sun beating down brightening the top layer of water and she felt wave of relief fall over her knowing the surface was close. Her heart was beating so loudly she was sure if there were any creatures lurking nearby they would have heard the thumping from her chest rippling through the water. She was running out of time and beginning to feel lightheaded, Emily was in the final stretch and refused the let her arms and legs tire. Letting out a long loud gasp for air as she broke to the surface, she had made it! She took a few moments to herself, treading the water enjoying just breathing in and out, allowing herself to find a normal pattern again before attempting to figure out her next move.

Floating at the surface she looked around for land, a rock, anything that would get her out of the water back and onto solid ground again. But instead she noticed something much more peculiar. She Looked above trying to find the stretch of waterfalls she had fallen from but there was nothing. It was as if it had all been a dream or Emily had simply just imagined it. But there was something she did recognize, leaving her even more confused. Emily floated amazed watching the memory as it began to play out before her. She was in her old garden on her eighth birthday watching from inside what must have been a salt water aquarium. She watched for a moment engrossed and in disbelief. It was different somehow, enticed Emily swam eagerly towards the boundaries of the tank to try and get closer look. Perched up and leaning on the glass at the edge of the aquarium she realised she had never noticed how exhausted her mum had looked that day before now. She watched herself jump around on the bouncy castle with Lilly and a few other boys and girls from class. They were all laughing and having fun, until one boy Peter made a desperate but failed run for it holding both hands over his mouth, eyes bulging before projectile vomiting across the inflatable castle and into the shoes of several unlucky party guests. Some of the children shrieked and ran away, others simply pointed and laughed. Emily watched her youngerself and Lilly stand at the back of the castle looking at each other waiting for the other to give a signal or make a gesture of a sort as to what they should do, Emily touched Lillys shoulder and nodded towards the poor boy who in that moment looked like he was wishing the castle would burst and swallow him up whole. They lingered chatting amongst themselves for a brief moment before approaching Peter sympathathetically to make sure he was okay. That’s when the parents started shouting their little ones over to check they were okay, closley inspecting there young hoping they had succesfully managed to avoid the carnage. A couple of the less fortunate parents walked of holding up vomit splattered shoes poorly attempting to mask there disgust. Emily grinned from ear to ear remembering that’s how her and Lilly had become friends with Peter Leeroy, and they had never let him forget. They had often playfully teased him about the day but knew when the joke had reached its limit and when to stop.

Thats when she began to think about how peculiar everything had been. Remembering the strange woman she met in the abyss after arriving in the darkness. Where had she came from? She couldn’t remember a single thing before arriving.... before she could finish her train of though the water surrounding her began to vibrate. Bubbles began rippling and rising all around her. She scrunched her face up, something smelled of rotten eggs...sulphar?...but where? Thats when something suddenly grabbed a firm hold of her foot. The creature in the water began clawing and pulling at her with raging determination. Tired and exasperated of the increasingly ridiculous situation and terrifying time she was having mixed with a growing sense of conciseness and awareness of the impossibility of her situation, she had came to a realization.

!!THIS ISNT REAL!!

I can end this Emily thought to herself. She just needed to find a way to wake up. She thought of the creature that was pulling her down, the woman who hid behind the mist still thinking about why she looked so familiar. Emily recalled all the emotions she had experianced being in her Prescence, about how she had been thrown around, manipulated over and over by the presence as she fell though the darkness after attempting to reach through the mist to touch her. But this is my dream Emily declared to herself feeling a new sense of empowerment and determination, now she would control it and see the face of this mysterious woman, satisfy her overthinking mind then wake up and get out of here.

She prepared herself. Summoned all the strength and bravery she had in her and surrendered to what she felt was probably inevitable anyway. As Emily allowed herself to be pulled down deep below into purple crystal-clear water she opened her eyes to gaze uppon the tropical looking fish covered with bright dazzling coloured scales and beautiful flowing fins, they were hypnotizing to watch as they glided smoothly and effortlessly through the water. The party on the other side of the tank looked hazy and distorted through the water mirroring how she felt inside. Batting away at aquatic greenery she could only just make out the shilluette of the woman dragging her by the legs towards the bottom. Emilys moment was quickly approaching and she was ready for it. She had submitted to the woman so far and she was certain she wouldn’t be expecting resistance from her now...in fact she probably suspected she was unconscious Emily reasoned. She waited patiently for an opportunity to arise, aware it was essential she held out for the perfect moment for her plan to work perfectly.

When they made it to the bottom of the tank Emily found herself being being dragged across the sand towards the castle spoiling all traces of the beautiful patterns she had earlier been admiring but still she waited. As they passed though the enterance she decided this was her moment. Gripping on to the door knocker with her free hand Emily summoned all her strength, squeeling though gritted teeth struggling in the moment but succesfully managed to swing her around slamming the woman against the wall. She felt anger and frustration slowly building inside herself and tried reminding herself if it was only a dream...breathed deep and imagined what she wanted to happen. Pushing her hands in opposite directions with a swift sharp sweeping motion she managed to part the mist surrounding the woman banishing it for good forcing her to meet Emilys gaze. As she looked upon the dark entitys face Emilys jaw dropped open in shock and she froze. Thoughts racing unable to fully understand or come to terms with what she seen before her. Emily knew it wasnt real she reasoned with herself... a trick maybe she thought. It was then she felt her blood turn cold and allowed herself to draw from the powerful energy similar to the one used earlier by the dangerous entity when she reached to touch her at the beginning. Payback time. Emilys eyes turned dark as she took position knowing what needed to be done. Placing one foot forward and one behind to ground herself, Emily lifted both hands reaching towards the surface, held for a moment and then slammed both hands down and rooted her fingertips into the sand bending her leg forward for stability staring up to the light. Emily commanded the water surrounding them into a twister, consuming everything within its sight. Emily invisioned a huge plug at the bottom of the tank and there it appeared. The fish tried to swim away but it was a waste of time fighting against such strong currents. In that moment she couldnt feel sympathetic or even a smidgen of empathy towards the innicent creatures, though she had much admired and enjoyed watching them earlier. Emily observed the twisting sandstorm of blue and pink she had created. Inside the treasure chest collided with the once pretty and perfect castle now crumbling on impact before her eyes, pieces scattering everywhere but never leaving the twister. Emily turned to look behind her and glowered at the entity grinning back at her. She wondered why was she smiling? Could it not see what Emily was now capable of? And did she not realise the power she held while the woman itself had been stripped and left with none? She had the creature pinned against the wall so it couldnt move but now it deserved to experiance some karma, have its turn at falling. To know how it felt being utterly helpless wondering if the moment it was in was to be its last. Emily used her new power to hold the creature at the edge of the twister dangling it cruelly for a moment forcing the evil to feel the pull from behind. Emily watched as the entitys face distorted with cheeks rippling and hair dancing behind as hers had earlier. She hoped its skin nipped as hers had, that it couldnt breath as she couldnt. Then a sadness came over Emily. What was she doing? She had never been cruel and began to questioning her morals wondering what her mother would say if she could see her now...even if it was all just a dream this was a conscious descision she had made. Thats when she dropped her hand and simply let go. Banishing the evil to the same fate as everthing else residing in the salty water. Emily watched her go around and around the twisters centre getting smaller untill she was gone. Emily lingered for a moment frowing at the chaos she had created in unecessary retaliation then started to swim towards the whirlpool. Closing her eyes one final time Emily paused for a moment before taking a slow deep cleansing breath then allowed herself to be sucked inside, praying she was finally waking up from the nightmare. She had willed the drain here so it was going to to be her way back home. Emily had shown she wasnt afraid of this dream anymore even if it had almost comnsumed her to do so.

Emilys eyes shot open. As Emilys eyes darted around the room still dazed and confused she recalled the entity and was immediatley horrified remembering its appearance and disturbing similarities. Her pyjamas clung tight to her body drenched in sweat. Emily felt uneasy, she sensed something through her confusion, like there was someone there with her in the room. Feeling a pool of sweat gathering on her forehead she tried to lift her hand to wipe it away and that’s when she felt it. A pressure pushing down on her chest and the beginning of panic settling in once again. She tried to scream but her lips wouldn’t part to let anything out and she couldn’t move a muscle in her body no matter how hard she tried. She was paralyzed, helpless once again.

That’s when she heard the loud chipping noise that sounded like stones being tossed at the window. Emily tried to roll her head to the side unsuccessfully before resorting to rolling her tired eyes instead. She needed to blink a few times to ease the stinging sensation caused by the sweat trickling into her eyes. There on Emilys window ledge sat a barn owl pecking at the glass peering through demanding attention. She stared at the curious little owl watching over her and a welcoming feeling of calm washed over her. Her mother had worked at an animal sanctuary. She had a soft spot for anything with fur or feathers, Emily felt like the owl was a sign from her mum saying she had been there watching over her all along keeping her safe.

The urgent feeling from earlier of a lingeringing presence was fading and the pressure from her chest lifting. Emilys toes tingled and her nose itched. She reached to give it a scratch and realized she was able to move again. Letting out a sigh of relief she sat herself up in bed. Great, waking up from a nightmare and thrown straight into a living one. Sleep Paralysis. What a night Emily had thought to herself. Standing up to change into some dry pajamas she found herself still holding the gaze with the owl. She stared a while longer admiring its feathers and strong beak then found herself being carried away by her feet downstairs for a glass of water.

She tiptoed trying to be as quiet as possible, but the stairs creaked and squeaked on the way down and walking slower just seemed to prolong the noise. Emily peered into the living room, just as she has expected she sighed. Her father passed out on the sofa on a weekday again, fast food containers and beer bottles scattered around him. All she wanted to care about right now was quenching her thirst and heading back to bed to hopefully to enjoy whatever of the night she had left. She didn’t much feel like worrying about her father's drinking and gambling problems, or how it had slowly gotten worse over years since her mother's passing. Emily was exhausted and desperatley needed to get some rest before another grueling day at school if she wanted to make it through the day emotinally intact by the end of the day.

The owl was still huddled up by the window when Emily snuck back into her bedroom. She gave an achnolodging nod in the owls direction thanking her again and lied down to get comfortable. A quick glance over to her alarm clock told her it was a little after 4am. She couldn’t help but feel troubled by the Stange dreams she had been having lately. She lay staring at the window wondering what it all meant. Nightmares were nothing new for Emily, they were a regular occurrence but she had never been the thing she feared in her own dream before. When she had finally managed to get a look at the women's face she seen her own distorted animalistic version staring back. After banishing the mist she recalled how the creatures eyes had been a piercing fiery red, with a long snake like tounge split down the middle. The skin had an ashen undertone and lips that were more defined than her own with unmistakably dangerous razor sharp teeth hiding just behind. Being in its prescence felt like it changed you, something so evil and devious it seeped inside becoming you. It made the air around her feel cold. It gave Emily the chills to think of herself that way knowing her brain had created it.

Emily tried to push the nightmare to the back of her mind and stared at the owl thinking of her mum again and closed her eyes in a wishfull attempt at a blissful dreamless night's sleep. Thinking of her birthday, the laptop, her scrapbook and how she had written so many fairytales at her mother's request. She remembered how much she loved writing them just to see her mother's face light up as she read them aloud dramatically doing all the different voices and praised her hard work at the end of every story. Always encouraging her inner child and imagination. And then Emily thought of her nightmares once again. How anxious and afraid she had been even in the comfort of her own bed, safe at home in her own house. Then about the realities of her own life and the millions of others she shared the world with. She adored her childhood but had been left with no defense to some harsh realities she would have to learn to face herself one day. There aren't always happy endings Emily thought. Most face hard challenges, Some are faced with poverty, financial hardships and mental illnesses. The last catagory was the one Emily fell into. Thats when she recalled something her dad said to her back when the nightmares first began shortly after her mother passed away. He had been half way through a bottle of whisky at the time, Emily was sure he would have never said something so true if he had not been so heavily under the influence. The words stuck with her always from then on.

“They lied to us all in the fairytales Emily, monsters don’t live in cupboards or under our beds, they live inside our heads.”