Please Hold While We Delay Happiness

INTERNAL CORRESPONDENCE

Registry of Deferred Joy

Quarterly Status Report: “After Things Settle Down”

Filed by: Archivist 82

Reviewed by: The Committee for Responsible Adulthood

I. General Overview

The Registry of Deferred Joy continues to experience unprecedented intake this quarter, as is to be expected this time of year. Submissions arrive daily in neat, well-labeled envelopes stamped neatly with such phrases as:

• “When I have more time”
• “After this busy season”
• “Once I properly deserve it”
• “When things calm down”

For the record, things have not calmed down since 2007, and our algorithms predict that is likely to remain the case for the foreseeable future.

The vast majority of these items arrive in near-pristine condition. Others show minor signs of neglect, including creased edges, mild discoloration, or a faint scent of resignation (and sometimes regret). A handful vibrate softly in their folders, as if attempting to remind their originators that time is, in fact, constantly in the process of passing.

Please be advised that, contrary to public assumption, the Registry does not actually discard any joys received. We simply store them until such a date when its owner stops insisting on earning it.

II. Divisional Reports

A. Recreational Activities Deferred

This division has recently been expanded to include three additional wings. (Much gratitude to our generous donors, who’ve made such an expansion possible before year’s end.)

Example documents filed this quarter include (but may not be limited to):

• Walks postponed “pending inbox zero”
• Trips labeled “financially irresponsible,” though the streaming budget remains untouched
• Books purchased with sincere enthusiasm and stacked decoratively
• Guitar lessons repeatedly scheduled for “next month” since 2019

We further wish to report that we have recently received one watercolor kit that has reportedly begun painting small abstract studies inside its own packaging.

Personnel have also observed a troubling pattern we consider worth noting. Individuals who defer leisure frequently replace it with low-grade digital sedation and attempt to refer to this as “relaxing.” The Registry categorizes this behavior under Strategic Numbing and recommends professional supervision to avoid permanent consequences.

B. Bodily Joy Section

Intake remains disappointingly steady here, and we expect it to remain so for the rest of the year.

Common entry types we’ve been seeing lately include:

• Wearing the good outfit only “when there’s a special occasion”
• Dancing only “after I feel more confident”
• Resting only “once I finish everything”
• Taking a day off “when it makes sense” and at no other time

“It” rarely to never makes sense, even to us, so this line of thought should be avoided at all costs.

Several recent cases that stood out to our staff involve candles reserved for hypothetical future dinner parties. We have also, so far, counted seventeen “special occasion” bath products long expired in their packaging.

Staff note: Contrary to popular belief, the human body does not actually recognize deferred pleasure as maturity. Rather, it registers it as neglect and responds accordingly.

One clerk recently filed a formal complaint after discovering a pair of beautiful shoes labeled “someday” had disintegrated from utter lack of use. The shoes were perfectly fine. The someday was not.

C. Creative Delight Wing

Distinct from the Department of Lost Ideas, this wing routinely handles projects that were never truly abandoned but merely postponed because they felt much too indulgent, given current circumstances.

Common classifications may include:

• Writing something purely for fun
• Making art without any intention of monetizing it
• Learning a language for no strategic, academic, or professional reason
• Starting a small, ridiculous side project that delights precisely three people

These entries tend to hum with a very specific brand of creative frustration.

The air in this wing has also been said to carry a citrus brightness mixed with a faint whiff of mildewed irritation. Many files include notes such as “This feels self-indulgent,” or “I should focus on something more productive.”

The Registry would like to remind all recipients that productivity has never once attended your funeral.

We would also like to report that several creative delights have begun cross-applying to the Recreational Division out of sheer boredom. This cannot continue, as the Recreational Division is woefully understaffed at present.

D. Micro-Joy Overflow Unit

This unit handles the smallest of the items the department receives, which collectively account for the largest volume.

Filed this quarter:

• Lighting the good candle
• Using the nice notebook
• Sitting outside for ten minutes, particularly on nice days
• Taking the longer route home because it comes with a nice view of the ocean
• Cooking the recipe that requires chopping one extra vegetable

Each of these requires fewer than twenty minutes to reclaim, yet most are deferred for months. Technicians conducting shelf audits report that micro-joy items tend to pulse more urgently than larger entries. They also do not age well in storage.

One particularly stubborn file labeled “Walk at 11 AM Just Because” has repeatedly escaped containment and attempted to exit the building entirely.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is deferred joy still valid if I’ve waited too long?

Yes. However, extended postponement may cause it to evolve into something else entirely. A trip may become a smaller outing, or a bold project may reappear as something quieter and more mundane. This is because joy adapts rather than vanishes.

Q: What if I’m simply being responsible?

Responsibility and self-denial are frequently confused, but they are not the same. The Registry recommends thoroughly reviewing your definitions before taking further steps or writing to our complaint department.

Q: What happens to joy that remains unclaimed indefinitely?

It tends to migrate toward alternative individuals who appear available at the moment of contact. This process is mysterious but well-documented. Children and mildly eccentric retirees appear to receive disproportionate allocations.

Q: Can joy expire?

In rare cases, yes. Most often, when labeled “after I deserve it,” so use this phrase as sparingly as possible.

IV. Current Initiatives

The Registry has recently launched several pilot programs in response to rising deferral rates.

The Ten-Minute Amnesty Clause

Citizens may reclaim one small joy per day without justification. Documentation is unnecessary.

The Good Enough to Enjoy Certification

Applicants no longer need to achieve arbitrary milestones before participating in pleasure.

The Pre-Approval Abolition Act

Effective immediately, no external validation is required before lighting the good candle, brewing the good tea, or eating off the good china.

Early data indicates mild increases in spontaneous laughter and suspiciously satisfying levels of calm.

V. Staff Recommendations

After extensive review, the Registry offers the following advice to those who remain uncertain about how to proceed:

• Schedule joy before exhaustion schedules you, not after.
• Drastically lower the bar for what qualifies as worth celebrating.
• Stop waiting for a version of yourself who has finally “earned” delight.
• Treat pleasure as mandatory maintenance, not an optional reward.

Repeated postponement creates the illusion of discipline while quietly draining creative vitality. The Registry recognizes the aesthetic appeal of self-denial, as it looks very tidy and exceptionally good on paper. It also photographs well and implies appropriate seriousness.

But unfortunately, seriousness does not generate aliveness.

VI. Closing Statement

As of the date of this dispatch, the Registry of Deferred Joy continues to exist to safeguard what you keep pushing aside. This being the case, we do not judge your ambition, your workload, or your sense of timing. We merely observe, record, and analyze the pattern for future application.

Most entries arrive accompanied by a note reading, “Just for now.” We have been reading that note for years. Please consider coming up with an alternative.

If you decide you wish to reclaim something specific from our archives — a walk, a project, an outfit, a small unnecessary pleasure — simply remove the word later from its folder. That is usually sufficient to reinstate it in full.

Filed respectfully,

Archivist 82

Registry of Deferred Joy

Epilogue from the Field (By Shannon, Freelance Human)

I currently strongly suspect that I have a preferred seat in this Registry’s waiting room by now — my not-so-secret shame.

Lately, I have postponed walks because I needed to “be productive” on multiple occasions. I’ve saved certain simple pleasures for a future version of myself who apparently wakes up at dawn, drinks homemade green juice, and finishes everything on her to-do list before allowing herself to so much as glance at the sunlight.

She does not exist.

The version of me who gets the walk is the same version who answers emails, writes essays, and washes dishes. She requires permission, as opposed to beatification, and I do try to remind myself of that.

That said, it has been strange to realize how often I file joy under “later” as if it were a luxury item rather than basic infrastructure, as well.

The house is significantly cleaner and more organized now. My brand new desk is fully set up, and all of my necessary daily work continues. And still, the Registry would happily accept another folder labeled “When Things Settle Down,” as they are quite used to such shenanigans from me by now.

I am beginning to suspect that things have settled as much as they ever will. And the good candle does happen to be sitting right here on my desk.

I think I’ll light it.

* Originally published at The Writer in the Wild.