"Denial Is Not A River In Egypt"

Stanley and Robin were on the verge of divorce, so Stanley suggested they see a marriage counselor. Robin made the arrangement. She called the office, and there was an opening for the next day. It was meant to be.

They got to the office, waited just a short time, and went into a well-decorated office with a sofa and two chairs. The therapist gave them a choice of where to sit, and they chose the chairs.

After briefly explaining to the therapist why each of them thought they were there to see her, she said, "I can't help you." They both looked at each other, and Stanley said, "What do you mean that you can't help us?"

She then said, "Just as long as there is a drug and alcohol problem, marriage counseling is like pounding your head against the wall. We will not get anywhere! I'm sorry!"

"I can give you a list of self-help meetings you can try, and the name of a substance abuse counselor where you can have an assessment. I hope you follow through."

As they were leaving the office, Robin gave Stanley the name and number of the assessment counselor and the list of meetings that she believed that he needed to attend. She took the other one, for the family and friends of the problem drinker/drug user.

Robin started the support group right away that week. Stanley, hesitated. He did not think he had a problem. He made it to work during the week. Yes, he drank weekends, but it was a social thing. Blowing off a little steam is what Stanley would say.

Stanley would think, what is wrong with drinking or having a little smoke once in a while? Whose problem is it really, he thought. Maybe we should separate. Robin is not the same girl I married. Our children are beautiful, but why she thinks that just because we have children means I should stop using is beyond me.

Then he thought, now that Robin is attending those meetings and talking about me, I suppose everyone in town will know my business. At least she isn't nagging me like she used to. It seems to keep her happy once in a while anyway, and off my back.

Stanley then made an appointment to see the substance abuse assessor. The day came, and as he made his way into the assessor's office, he was trying to think of a way out of this, and he said, "My wife wants me to see you, and I don't really believe I have a problem. I'm sorry for wasting your time!"

After the assessment, he was referred to the Veterans hospital for Substance Abuse Treatment.

After thirty days, Stanley went back home. He started to smoke marijuana after an altercation with his boss and managed to hide that from Robin for a few weeks. He started drinking shortly after a few words with Robin, and she blamed herself when he started drinking.

If she only left him alone about smoking marijuana, he might not be drinking. Then she thought - wait, what would people in the meeting say? They would say what about the 3 C's? You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. Oh, and then her friend told her, but a 4th C is she can cope!

Robin talked in support meetings about calling in to work for her husband, about calling bars, hospitals, and jails, looking for him when he didn't come home. About her fights with him to give him an excuse to go out and drink.

She was definitely getting in touch with her own denial and her own problem. She was spinning around her alcoholic, addicted husband, and she was not taking care of herself and neglecting her children in trying to care for Stanley.

This story is told to let you know that in an alcoholic, addicted family, there are not many who call out the denial going on for most members of the family and community. Where we work and play, no one says, as the therapist did about just what is going on, all over the country and world!