Defeat

Amanda brought Faerie some clean clothes to put on, as well as towels to take a shower. After working hard outside all day yesterday and waking up covered in sweat after her nightmare, the shower made Faerie feel like a new person. She knew she still had problems to work through, but she felt like she could start to figure out a way to face them now. She was grateful to have Ason’s family to help her through this time. Even though she had only spent one day on the farm with them she already felt like she could trust them and maybe even depend on them if she needed to.

She finished getting dressed and headed downstairs. Amanda and the guys had already eaten breakfast, but she had made Faerie a plate that was staying warm in the oven. She told Faerie to sit down and she sat the plate in front of her. She looked at the ham, eggs, roasted potatoes, and toast with more of an appetite than she should have considering what was going on in her life. She decided it was probably important to eat anyway so she would have the strength to deal with Rey’s arrest. She realized the guys must already be out doing chores. She had slept much later than she normally did.

Rey was busy around the kitchen while she ate. She answered Faerie’s questions about cooking and farm life, but didn’t talk much other than that. She was friendly and caring, but she seemed to be avoiding eye contact for the most part.

When she was finished eating, Faerie washed her plate, which was the only dish that needed to be washed at that point, and looked out toward the barn to see if she could see Ason and the other guys out working. Amanda walked up to stand next to her and said, “He’s not here, Faerie.” She reached into her pocket to pull out a folded piece of paper. She handed the paper to Faerie and said, “He wanted me to give you this.”

Faerie stared at the paper like it was a venomous snake ready to strike. She looked at Amanda and said, “Where did he go?”

“He didn’t tell us,” she answered. “He was afraid we would come after him. Only Anthony saw him leaving. He left me a note, too.” Amanda was making an obvious effort to stay calm, but tears were rolling down her face as she spoke.

“Did he say when he would be back?” asked Faerie.

“I don’t think he’s planning to come back,” said Amanda. She put the paper in Faerie’s hand and went upstairs. She was obviously in no condition to answer any more questions right now.

Faerie felt like the ground had fallen out from under her feet. She felt like she was falling without a place to land. How would she go on living if Ason was just gone? They had just found each other and now he had just decided to leave?! Maybe she was wrong in thinking he felt the same way about her as she did about him. Or maybe Amanda had just misunderstood the note he had left for her. She needed to go outside in the fresh air so she could calm down, then she needed to read his note so she could understand what his plan was. He was probably just worried about Rey’s arrest and wanted to get away from the village for a while until the suspicion died down. It was probably a good plan, because Faerie would probably be questioned at some point and they couldn’t risk having the authorities see the two of them together.

She didn’t realize she had actually opened the door and started walking until she found herself in the orchard. She looked around at all the trees. Some of the trees had apples that were almost ready to pick. Others no longer had fruit, but she was pretty sure they were fruit trees. Still others seemed to be growing nuts. She thought they were hazelnuts and possibly black walnuts, but she didn’t know for sure. She chose a tree at random to sit by. It was a pear tree, as far as she could tell. Its fruit had already been harvested for the season and she didn’t have to worry about having overripe pieces of fruit falling on her head.

Faerie sat for a moment just looking around the orchard and taking deep breaths to try to stay calm. There had to be a reasonable explanation for why Ason would leave in the middle of the night. She was sure the note he had written her would explain everything, and that it would say when he was planning to come back. She wanted to open the note and read it, but she was afraid that reading the note would somehow make Ason’s absence real. If she didn’t read the note he might just come walking back from the village the way he would have when he went to town to get supplies.

After a few minutes of trying to calm herself and her thoughts Faerie finally unfolded the note and started to read:

Dear Faerie,

There are no words to truly describe how I feel about you. I have been drawn to you since the first day we met in the forest. I couldn’t imagine walking away and never seeing you again, so I gave you the locket for my own selfish purposes. I needed to see if you felt the pull between us the same way I did. I wanted to free you from the restrictions placed on you by the Republic, because I thought I knew what was best for you.

Now, because of me, your guardian has been arrested and you are in danger of coming under suspicion at some point. I thought I was giving you a gift that would make your life better, but I have put you, and everyone you are close to, in danger. I cannot ask your forgiveness, because what I did is inexcusable. What I can do is go far enough away that you never have to see or talk to me again. I have also explained everything to my parents and asked them to help you any way they can. If you need a place to live until Rey gets out you can stay at the farm. My dad has spent enough time around the village that he will know who to ask about Rey’s arrest and what, if anything, can be done about it.

Please don’t hold any of my mistakes against my family. They are good, caring people and would never do anything to hurt anybody. However you might feel about me now, just know that I will never forget you and my life will never be complete without you in it. I am so, so sorry that my actions led to Rey’s arrest and I will never forgive myself for causing you to lose her.

Love,

Ason

Faerie had once tripped and fallen, landing flat on the ground. The fall was so jarring she was unable to breathe for an alarming amount of time. Reading Ason’s letter was just as shocking.

She had to go after him and tell him that Rey’s arrest wasn’t his fault! She didn’t blame him for any of it. If anything, Rey had probably gotten careless in what she told people around the village. Or she might have been seen coming and going from Xenin’s house too many times. Faerie was absolutely crushed that Ason would think that she would be angry with him for what happened to Rey.

Faerie thought for a moment about who might help her find Ason. Amanda would definitely want to get him back, but she seemed to have already accepted defeat in the situation; she was devastated. She jumped to her feet, folding the note and putting it in the pocket of her borrowed clothing, and set off to check the barn where she thought Anthony might be.

After checking the barn and the pasture, Faerie finally found Anthony in the field among the rows of corn. He was a tall man, but she still had trouble spotting him at first. Anthony nodded in greeting and gave her a half-hearted smile. “How are you doing, Faerie?”

She didn’t waste any time with pleasantries. “We have to go after Ason. He left because he feels responsible for Rey’s arrest and it’s not his fault. I have to find him and tell him that I’m not angry at him and that I don’t blame him for any of it.”

Anthony looked at Faerie for a moment. He took off the hat he wore to work outside and ran a hand through his dark blond hair. He looked off toward the horizon and said, “I tried to stop Ason from leaving last night. I told him you wouldn’t blame him for Rey’s arrest and that he shouldn’t blame himself, either. He’s always been really stubborn once he forms an opinion about something, though. He’s absolutely sure that the way he sees things is the right way and there’s no convincing him otherwise.”

“Why didn’t you stop him from leaving? You're his father. He has to do what you say!”

“ Ason is a man now, Faerie. He turned 18 last month. He decided to stay on the farm with us until we got settled and because he wanted to be near you. But he’s free to make his own decisions now and it wasn’t my right to tell him not to go.”

Faerie looked at him with eyes full of tears that had not yet begun to fall. She could hear the desperation in her own shaky voice when she said, “Will you take me to find him, Anthony? I would go myself, but I’ve never been outside the village except to check traps with Rey, and we only go to certain areas.”

Anthony looked at her with alarm. “Please promise me you won’t try to go after him. He could have gone in any direction and there are refugees living in the forest when you get several miles away from the village. Some of them are dangerous. I think Ason just needs some time to think about things and he’ll realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem. I don’t believe for a minute that he can stay away from you for very long.”

Faerie could tell she was not making any headway in the discussion, but she was not ready to give up, yet. “But what if the refugees attack him? What if he gets hurt or killed?” She scared herself with that last question more than she scared Anthony. Her mind started to race with all of the horrible things that could happen to Ason while he was travelling alone with no one to watch his back or stand guard while he slept.

“I understand your concern, Faerie, and I don’t want him out there on his own either. Unfortunately, it’s not my choice anymore. I can tell you, though, that after hiding out in the woods for two years Ason has developed some pretty impressive survival skills. He knows how to make himself as safe as possible out in the forest, even when he’s alone. You’ve been through a lot in the past 24 hours. Just know that my family and I see you as one of our own and we will do anything we can to help you through this. You are welcome to stay on the farm as long as you like and, if it’s necessary, I would be happy to serve as your temporary guardian in Rey’s absence.”

Faerie finally surrendered to the hopelessness of the situation. “Thank you.” Was all she could choke out past the lump in her throat.

The story continues in Shelter.