The Signs of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Sibling sexual abuse is an uncomfortable subject. Many people don’t want to believe that it happens, but it does.

How can you as a parent or responsible adult detect sibling sexual abuse, prevent it, and deal with it?

Many people don’t want to believe that sibling sexual abuse exists. But the statistics tell a different story.

According to a January 2021 paper on sibling sexual abuse, studies suggest that at least one-third of child sexual abuse is by other children.

In most cases, these other children are siblings. It is estimated that more children are sexually abused by siblings than those abused by parents.

This contrasts with 0.12 percent abused by an adult family member. These figures may be higher because sibling sexual abuse is underreported.

What is sibling sexual abuse?

It’s sexual abuse involving children who grow up in the same family. This includes biological siblings, step-siblings, foster children, adopted children, and others growing up together as siblings.

It normally happens that an older or stronger sibling – using threats, coercion, or bribes – forces a younger or weaker sibling into sexual activity. The older sibling starts by winning the trust of the younger one, then goes on to abuse that trust.

The abuser may force other children to engage in sexual activities as he/she watches. He or she may also make the younger children watch pornographic videos, or force them to undress in his/her presence.

Like all abuse, sibling sexual abuse involves control that leaves the victim feeling alone and helpless. The situation is made more painful for the victims because in most cases, parents do not believe the abused.

In 2018, Dafna Tener, Efrat Lusky, Noam Tarshish, and Shosh Turjeman, analyzed Jewish parents’ responses to the disclosure of sibling sexual abuse. The first response was disbelief. Parents held that no sexual act took place.

Later, the parents may have accepted that sexual acts took place, but dismissed these as “not serious.” Parents then considered the sexual acts as a “rupture in the family’s ideal narrative,” and finally, as a “tragic episode” in the family.

Sibling sexual abuse is hidden

The abused siblings are often confused and blame themselves. They are afraid of the perpetrators, who may have threatened them, and are afraid of causing trouble in the family. They may never report the abuse.

According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention of the USA, males are more likely to abuse their siblings. Of the reported juvenile offenses, females commit only about 7 percent.

Signs that indicate sibling sexual abuse

Children who have been sexually abused by a sibling will avoid or show fear of a sibling. As a parent, a caregiver, or a guardian, be on the lookout and take note if a younger child seems afraid of an older sibling.

Be especially watchful if the younger sibling does not want to be alone with the older brother or sister.

Other signs of sibling sexual abuse are the same as those of general sexual abuse. They include:

• Handling toys or other children in a sexual way

• Sores or redness in the genital area

• Sexual knowledge or behavior that is not age-appropriate

• Blood on underwear

• Yeast infections

• Sleeping problems

• Outbursts of anger

• Sudden fears of some places and sudden trouble at school

• Sudden secretive behavior

• Unexplained changes in eating habits

• Pain when passing urine or during bowel movement

• Unexplained gifts, including clothes, phones, or toys

• Depression and suicidal tendencies

• Trouble walking or sitting

Factors that can lead to sibling sexual abuse include:

• A history of sexual abuse

Researchers Tyler J. Smith, Rebecca A. Lindsey, Som Bohora, and Jane F. Silovsky note that children who have been abused are more likely to abuse their siblings or be abused by a sibling.

In a paper published online in April 2018 in the Journal of Sex Research, the researchers note that in such cases, the children are acting out what they have experienced.

• Lack of responsible adult supervision

Unsupervised children are more likely to engage in inappropriate behavior, including sexual experimentation. They are also likely to come into contact with pornographic materials.

Again, children who are neglected emotionally may seek emotional bonding with other children, making them vulnerable to abuse.

• Lack of sex education

Children who lack age-appropriate education on their bodies are likely to engage in inappropriate behavior. They are unlikely to recognize abuse committed to them and lack the confidence to stand up for themselves.

• Age difference

In an article published in The Washington Post on November 6, 2014, psychologist John V. Caffaro noted that often, there is a big age difference between the sibling abuser and the abused.

Sometimes this happens when the older child is put in charge of the younger ones. The older child may then abuse this position of power.

Caffaro is the author of the book Sibling Abuse Trauma.

Final thoughts

As a parent, guardian, or caregiver, you can prevent sibling sexual abuse by being aware of and looking out for the signs outlined above.

In addition, teach children about boundaries and appropriate behavior between siblings and with adults. Help them to enforce boundaries.

Most important, keep lines of communication open. Talk about sexual matters in an age-appropriate manner, and let them know they can talk to you about anything. Take an interest in how children spend their time.

If a child reports being sexually abused, or reports activity that makes them uncomfortable, believe them, support them and take action.

Seek counseling and treatment for the abuser, the abused, and even yourself.