The Malignant Masculinity in the "Adolescence" TV Series is Not New

I highly recommend that you watch this series, but don't stop there. This record-breaking TV masterpiece allows us to experience the challenges of young males and the extreme risk factors for young females in a salient way, but it implies that social media is a cause when it is merely a symptom. While there is value in highlighting the issue in a dramatic way, and pointing out the hazards of social media, we need to take a deeper dive into why males feel the need to join the "manosphere" and continue to objectify women and themselves. We also need to explore what we can do to address it more proactively and on a broader scale.

I grew up in the 1950’s and 60’s and, like most boys, witnessed misogyny and displays of hyper-masculinity on the playground and in the locker room. One signal moment occurred when a group of boys in seventh grade, including me, were discussing our decision to join the 4 H Club, a youth development program. One of our peers who was a bit older, chimed in that he would rather join the “4 F Club”. None of us had heard about that so of course we took the bait and asked him what it was. He said, “It what you do with girls; you find them, feel them, f**k them, and forget them.”

The rest of us laughed but it was a nervous laughter, at least for me, and it didn’t feel right. I wanted to confront him, but he was a lot bigger and had the reputation of the tough guy. But that wasn’t the primary reason I stayed silent - I had stood up to bullies before. My confusion about what a man “should be” inhibited my ability to trust my gut.

Back then, and still today, boys and girls were/are constantly bombarded with conflicting information about their roles and identities and acknowledging that confusion brings us closer to understanding the causes of today’s highly commodified and sometimes weaponized gender conformity. In short, we don’t suffer from a masculinity crisis or a femininity crisis; or gender angst per se; we suffer from a profound lack of imagination on a mass scale, and we are compounding the problem with leaders who lack any coherent vision.

We are acutely and anxiously aware of social changes, but way too many of us fail to see the implications for the future of this progress and, predictably, many of us want to return to a more familiar view of our roles in society. We’re not as nostalgic about the past as we are fearful of the future.

This awareness began for me back in the 1970’s as a student in college when, for example, a female psychology professor asserted that with in vitro fertilization and cloning on the horizon, male participation in reproduction could become obsolete. At the time I had no qualms about scientific progress, but it made me ponder whether we would be flexible enough to adapt to the changes if they occur, and the implications for human sexuality and relationships.

Similar fears are generated by more recent developments in engineering such as robotics where, especially in many industrial settings, men are no longer needed for their physical strength. Women or weaker men can strap on a “powered exoskeleton” and do the heavy lifting. As a result of these technological changes and economic shifts men are less often the sole providers, or even the main provider, and while that could be an opportunity for less pressure, it is often seen as a loss of status, especially, if not replaced by something else. Just switching roles can make matters worse from an identity perspective if the new identity feels forced.

Numerous examples could be added to underscore the loss of male involvement in life’s meaningful and even survival-oriented pursuits, but the main idea is that today’s men are desperate for a sense of relevance. Psychologists point out that as early as two years old we are subject to “effectance motivation”, the desire to have an effect on the world around us. Many young men lack any sense of purpose or worth, and if they can’t find one, they will create one. They will discover a way to have a noticeable impact on their surroundings. Through graffiti, to vandalism, to misogyny, to bullying, to sexual misconduct, to mass violence, these young men demand to be seen.

But just paying attention to them is insufficient. We need to provide all youth with a rationale and roadmap for adapting to the demands of a society that is changing faster than ever. We need to admit that we can’t keep up with technology in a way that allows us to weave these new tools tightly enough into the social fabric. Instead of telling youth to put their phones away, we need to teach them how to use them to communicate better. And, in order to do that, we need to enlist their help to access knowledge of the language and symbols of their generation, and convincingly and creatively teach social ethics and values.

In the “Adolescence” series I was struck with how much vitriol was conveyed with emojis that the adults missed completely. It took a cop’s son explaining the symbols to him to learn how Jamie (the troubled youth at the center of the story) was subjected to online bullying. Before the internet, language was mostly created by adults and passed down to children. Although youth have always had slang, their shared lexicon seems to be growing faster than previous generations.

Along with paying attention and keeping up with youth, we need to do something deeper and more visionary; we need to explain how the future will inevitably affect us all. If progress means changing roles, then we need to prepare ourselves for that. If physical strength has diminished market value, then what is marketable for those men who possessed it? If workers are replaced by robots, then what will humans do to contribute to society.

Oh, and speaking of robots, why are some of us so concerned about more babies if we don’t need as many people to occupy the work force? Oddly, the same people wanting to prevent women from postponing motherhood or deciding not to be mothers at all, are proponents of automation on a grand scale.

Why is there such a disconnect? Because the same psychological dynamics that produce the latest greatest gadget also motivate men to want to control women – competition and dominance. It’s not that ambition is inherently bad; we just need to be more thoughtful about the effects of our advances (double entendre’ intended) and more aware of the need to allow time and space for others to decide if they benefit too. I guess we could say that in their techno-innovations they experience premature climaxes too.

We made the same mistake with television in the 50’s and 60’s. We mass produced them before we reached consensus on how to use them for the benefit of society.

We can’t afford to make the same mistakes much longer. We need to get this right and do it soon. We need the involvement of all generations. We need to harness technology and slow it down OR allow our thinking and beliefs to catch up with it. We can’t allow the generation gap to become a bandwidth too wide! So, let’s continue to make great TV series and tell the story other ways, but let’s get to work and find consensus on how we are going to solve the larger problem of the generational wisdom/technology gap.

We are overdue for a national conversation on applied technology and a plan for social progress that doesn’t leave so many people, including young men, behind. I envision a new generation of leaders who understand our needs, or better yet, a multi-generational think tank to guide is more mindfully into the future.