How to Ask Your Partner for a Paternity Test?

The mere mention of the word ‘paternity test’ can substantially strain relationships. By requesting your partner for a DNA test in order to establish a parentage link, you are likely to introduce a lack of trust, and as a result, your relationship may also suffer.

Since this conversation can be rather unpleasant, it is critical to proceed tactfully and address the subject with utmost sensitivity to avoid causing emotional distress to your partner.

What are your reasons for requesting a paternity test?

A DNA test may be necessary for a variety of reasons. In certain situations, a mother could be unsure of the paternity of her child. This can happen when someone has intimate relationships with multiple partners, and we all know how despite following all precautions, one could still get two lines on a pregnancy test.

In such scenarios, an expectant mother could request the potential father to opt for a paternity test to alleviate the uncertainty. In other cases, the father could voice concerns about the child’s paternity, and to resolve this issue, the couple could use a scientific method.

How to talk to your partner about a prenatal paternity test?

If you're the potential father seeking a DNA test from the mother, it's critical to mention the following points for clarification:

1. Discuss why you would want to confirm the fatherhood of the baby

To begin with, you should state why you want a genetic test, even if it is to put your mind at rest or to eradicate even just the tiniest of doubts about the child's paternity.

An honest conversation about your concerns and insecurities will not only help her understand your reasons for the test but will also help her see things from your perspective. Avoid accusatory tone or raising your voice as that will make you come across as disrespectful or hurtful towards your partner. The mother of the baby will be more willing to engage in the DNA testing procedure if you treat her with the respect and love that she deserves.

2. Have a logical conversation with your partner regarding your future participation.

It's important to address the next measures regardless of the result of the genetic test. Prior to testing, you and your partner must discuss your relationship and the child’s future in case the test findings demonstrate that you are not the father.

You must find answers to some tough questions like:

• Would you like to keep the relationship going?
• Would you want to become a part of the baby's life in some way?
• Are you willing to assume legal duties if you are the father but do not want to stay with your partner?

Knowing where you stand if your paternity claim fails will help your partner prepare for the future. An open discussion regarding the different scenarios could minimize undue stress and uncertainty for the mother.

If you're an expectant mother seeking a DNA test from a potential father, here are a few topics you should cover:

1. Convey a desire to take a paternity test for his peace of mind.

Even though he does not really doubt the paternity of the baby, you should explain that you're interested in a genetic test for his mental and emotional well-being. You need to reassure him that you are not attempting to mislead him and that you want to offer him the chance to confirm his fatherhood. Approach the topic as a means of comforting him.

2. Talk about the future of the relationship and his role in the child's upbringing in both circumstances.

Irrespective of the results of the DNA test, trust and abandonment issues may crop up between the couple. While you must discuss both the possibilities with him prior to the paternity test, you must also reassess your relationship and define his role in the child’s life. Address your individual desires with respect to your relationship and his involvement in child’s upbringing, regardless of whether he might or might not be the father.

Consider the following questions:

• Do you and your partner still love each other?
• Do you really want to stick together despite the fact that he isn't the father of the baby?
• What is the best course of action for the child?

When you convey your thoughts on all of these topics, it might help you reach an amicable resolution with the potential father.

Having a conversation about a prenatal paternity test is not an easy task. And if you’ve decided to speak about it with your partner, it’s important to note that a discussion could merely be the beginning of a rather challenging journey. However, it’s always beneficial to put one’s mind to rest and if a paternity test can do that for you and your partner, it’s certainly something that you should talk about.