Lonely

A terrible emptiness and loneliness filled the space. Only she remained, staring out the window at the tallest tree swaying in the wind, offering pinecones to the smallest species of birds. It was still light out. At first, she noticed three birds circling around from time to time, moving, making their presence known: I'm here, notice me. But there were also a few others cleverly hidden behind a few clusters of pinecones, and then she began to count them as if she and they were having fun. First she counted 3, then 4, suddenly 5 -6, and suddenly another and another, until there were 8, and finally 9. The tree danced with the wind, and a magpie flew in to join the tiny sparrows. First, it hid in the thicket of another tree, and then, like a queen, it flew to the very top of the crown, where their daily haven of delicacies and games was located. Several of them still on the lower branches, which in turn wore colors that distinguished them from ordinary sparrows

Suddenly, a light wind blew and the cape of powdery snow rippled down. Only one seemed to give a sign: shake yourself off, cleanse yourself of the spirits of the day before nightfall. The day was frosty, her face, nose, and cheeks were freezing, but the surface was no longer as slippery as it had been early in the morning. Alone, she took another walk. It was not as pleasant as the rest of her walks, but it was important. The dogs behaved differently, somehow menacingly, restlessly, alertly. Only one cat trotted along the field, and beyond that, emptiness, loneliness. From time to time, cars passed by, bringing her out of the inner world she was in at that moment. This time, there were no sounds, no meditation, no healing, just an ordinary walk. Maybe that's why the world didn't seem so beautiful, cheerful, and fun. It was serious, frosty, snowy. All the shapes and colors were serious too. Loneliness pierced every shadow and blackness. The sky was not visible. It was still there, but it was as if a streak of smoke had covered all the beauty. The whistles disappeared. One could only dream of the moon, as if looking at something foggy that was no longer there it caused a certain lack of freedom a certain lack of liberty no escape there further deeper reality as it is came face to face and became even slightly unpleasant knocking out something that could not be defined that something had to be found marked that something had to be created anew penetrating into the world in which she functioned alone and that other image of reality created by everything that was visible but not at all important, not interesting, not engaging. For the first time, she felt something like boredom. She had probably never felt bored before. There was always something, always someone, the world was rushing by and problems were mounting, always, but not now. She worked so hard that eventually everything began to disappear day by day. It wasn't easy, but it was also pleasant, often painful and sometimes natural, relaxed. Alone, she had less and less to digest, and her morning dreams were filled with encounters with former partners. It wasn't easy to go through, but apparently it had to happen. Contact with people began to cause her too many health problems, so she began to withdraw again and cancel everything that had initially made her happy and excited, but during meditation and practices, she received answers where there was uncertainty or doubt. How strange it was to feel another person with her whole being while she felt nothing. The worst thing was to feel several things at once. Then, instead of doing what she had planned, she had to completely change half of the things and digest things that came suddenly and unexpectedly, from nowhere, at a given time.

It turned out that I was the one who started to heal this pattern, until it was hard to believe that what she liked, loved, and who she liked and loved had such a huge impact on her life processes, not quite positive enough to function like a person without pain... Sometimes breaking contact with someone caused illness, sometimes the strange symptoms disappeared immediately.... Sometimes, even making an appointment with someone caused pain, and finally, control over another world gave her the strength to heal herself. The pain passed, the illness disappeared, and taking a break from talking to others also healed her, but this was only possible once a year, and it brought so much good to her health and rest.