FML Indeed

Not every song can be a banger.

Still, it's sad to be reminded that artists can be incredibly inconsistent and unreliable in terms of quality. Most of the bands and solo artists I follow release new music that I love immediately, so I am not used to hearing a new song that only gets worse the more I listen to it from an artist I previously thought I liked.

It's worse when an entire EP has me rethinking every opinion I had about an artist. That's rare. It also might be the most impressive thing about the new EP from Braden Bales, "FML."

It does not start out strong. The title track sounds like a rant he should have saved for a therapist, and after listening to the EP as a whole, I sincerely hope he has one. Maybe the problem is that I'm not a 22-year-old guy recording a song and craving a cigarette, but I think it's safe to say I am certainly not anywhere near the target demographic for this.

I would be a hypocrite if I said I couldn't get behind some depressing lyrics, but they do have to be good. Track number two, "NOBODY TO SHOW IT TO," is an improvement. It feels most similar to the songs that I liked from his previous releases, and it is the highlight of the EP. Unfortunately, it also set me up for disappointment. I foolishly thought it might get better.

It's jarring to transition to "THIS IS REALLY HARD," which is at least well-named considering how hard it is to listen to without feeling uncomfortable. Especially if you are susceptible to secondhand embarrassment, listen at your own risk. I wish I hadn't, but I did suffer through the full two minutes and 15 seconds that I will never get back in order to write a full, honest review.

Moving on, Bales continues to bring a weird range of energy to this six-track EP. He shifts to acoustic, heartbroken yearning with a touch of self-harm in "SKINCELLS." It brings to light the main problem with the EP, which also manifests heavily in the next song. This is a prime example of the stereotype of a man getting his heart broken, putting his ex on a pedestal, and making it other women's problem instead of doing the work to heal.

That said, if you're looking for an incel anthem, I think I found a contender. What was clearly intended as a criticism of modern dating culture, specifically through dating apps, became a kickstart for the reason I'm rethinking Bales as part of my music library. "HINGE" matches its namesake well on the red flags front.

My initial reaction was one I have often while scrolling through social media, summarized best with, "Oh, he's a straight man who doesn't actually like women." The misogyny runs deep in this one.

We get the typical criticism of astrology, the privileged "I don't want to talk about politics" as if a person's politics isn't a valid concern for dating these days, and a hint of the classic complaint that women are dating for the free drinks. If the lyrics reflect how Bales thinks and interacts with people on the apps, it is very obvious why he would have a line about feeling like he will never fall in love again.

While I would encourage some serious self-reflection for anyone who can relate to the verses, "HINGE" does offer a solid criticism of the dating app experience in its very catchy chorus. It may be stuck in my head right now, but this song clearly fell short of its potential.

Finishing off the EP is another major vibe shift with its own wide range of things going on. Between the tongue twister rap attempt and the high note ending, "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE" may be the strangest final track on an EP I have ever heard. No attempt to describe this three-minute period of chaos could possibly explain what is happening in this song.

To put it simply, it feels like a weird prank, and I understand why it has the fewest plays out of the six songs that Bales appears to have randomly thrown together for this release.

While my listening experience for this EP started with hearing one song on my Spotify Release Radar and feeling disappointed, I could not have guessed it would be this bad.

This is an artist I bought concert tickets to see live as an opener, despite having no interest in the headliner. After listening to all six of these songs, Bales may be permanently off my concert list moving forward. If this is your cup of tea, I'm glad (and a little concerned) for you, but I would not pay anything to stand in a crowd with you to listen to whatever this is.