I call upon the lord!” I screamed. “Hear me now I need you in my presence!”

With sincerity it asked, “what’s wrong?”

I started, “forgive me for this. I didn't go to pray today, thought I stop lying to myself and save it for another day. Why should I get all dressed up and put on a fake smile like I'm happy? Only to make it worse, the pain that’s running through my veins is like Usain bolt on high speed. I’m on my knees begging for mercy. Who would I be without my sanity? I can pour a fresh glass full of tears, but truth is I'm living in fear.”

Looking at my soul, it calmly states, “Fear not. Stand in the mirror and closed your eyes, can you still see yourself? Relinquish the dirt from your chest

can no one but you make it and can no one but you break it. Your soul, me, keeps you engaged; it's a matrimony within infinite glory. Your brain is the only one confused. Your body has been forced and abused.

It continues to explained, “You’re provoked and used by motion pictures. Just like your TV screens your mind has been programmed systematically to convince you of false truths. 

This is why your brain is confused because it's missing direction. You’re making decisions off emotions despite  having the awareness of the most high is signature of gratitude and his mercy. Seasons may change but he will never change his heavenly delight.”

“Okay but I still have a lot more on my chest. I’m blurry eyed so let me see clear for these glasses only do so much. How can I believe you when you’re only trying to persuade me to keep faith on something I know little about? You’re not the only one. There’s millions of chosen ones lying and making fools out of us humans. Can you understand my frustration? I'm lost all my concentration to pray.”

Angered I continued, “Where was God when those kids laugh at me because of my culture? Where was God when those few robbers made out of every last dollar from my wallet and said see you later? Where was God when my feelings got hurt from the girl that I thought I loved? I'm just so far gone. Plus, my mind is its own strangler. I’m at war with my own logic…You know that God’s lectures caused so much segregation? Nowadays, it's like I hurt everyone I love and love everything I hate. Look at these good deeds I've granted no one seems to take notice. I want to lead my disciples like Jesus but wanting true love is my only weakness. Now look at me, I'm overwhelmed. 

My soul looked and me and smiled, “I only speak of love which is our bond, your words are without wisdom, justice, and humility. God was there the whole time helping you push through it. After that day you lost your wallet, God put doubled the amount of money in your new wallet. Look at how much people love your culture now, your broken heart God made it stronger, and the same woman you've been ignoring loves you dearly but you’re too blinded by another woman’s lust it's hard to see. All your troubles are calculated coherently so your soul, me, continues to get stronger. Your proclamations are relevant but why speak so violently? God blessed you with all you need; conveniently. I need you to eliminate your thoughts for a second and concentrate on this melody: a believer doesn’t think about God, a believer knows God. I want to demonstrate, God’s words are soft so you ears can listen for he only speak one language (love) can you hear the message?

My soul was persistent and kind but I was still afraid. I replied, “But I’m afraid, this is passed my faith. How can I pour my soul onto a book I barely read? Why would I plant my trees without sunlight? My eyes are rather dim, my body rather slim, and everywhere I go I don't fit in! I rather sin…It keeps me alive. When there's a reality where people take kindness for weakness, solitude for loneliness, and I’ll use my fist if I have to!”

I started to weep and my soul whispered, “Has God ever been wrong before? Trust him; your heart will be no longer sore.”

Comforted by this realization, God slowly calmed the fire that was burning my heart. My tears were gone and my fear disappeared along with my sorrow.

Conversation 

Talking to myself about myself

I call upon the lord!” I screamed. “Hear me now I need you in my presence!”

My soul gracefully emerged from my body 

With sincerity it asked, “what’s wrong?”



Conversation

Talking to myself about myself

About the Creator

Sender Jeannestal

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